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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Funny Moments

Yes, that's my baby!
Trying to remember/capture some of the funny times amidst the more difficult ones...

One morning I gave Other Baby quite a big handful of cheerios on the high-chair tray.  When baby was full, baby started throwing them on the floor, and I kept saying, "No! No throwing food!"  John turned around and looked at the tray and said, "Whoa! How many did you put on there!?"  I paused, a little frustrated because I was also trying to feed Jonah at the same time, and so I sarcastically answered, "63. Exactly." He laughed and helped to pick up the ones baby had thrown.

Things we have said to the babies, more than once:

"NO! We don't bite our friends!"

"NO! Do NOT put your hand in poop!" (Mid-diaper change)

"Please don't pull my hair...NO! No hair for you!"

"Ouch! Don't poke me in the eye!"

"No, you can't put your fingers in my nose."

"NO! We ride the motorcycle, not stand on it!"

Standing on the motorcycle
"Stoooooooop Cryyyyyyyyyyyying!" (Not that it ever works, but in desperate moments you say it anyway)

"We don't eat socks."

"Get OUT of the toilet! Yucky!"

"Noooooo...Windex is not for babies."

"No, mommy is eating that, you cannot put your hand in it."

"Please don't do that while I'm trying to feed you." (Think "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah" noise because mouth is open and hollering while the hand is hitting it over and over to create sound stops/starts, which creates great frustration for the parent trying to put food therein.)

"NO! Don't puke!" (This sometimes does work - the element of surprise can stop them if they're just gagging a little)

Then there are the things John and I say to each other:

"I call -Not It- on that diaper."

"If you're going to be in there a while, take a baby." (referring to restroom trips)

My partner in crime
Jonah already finds all bodily functions to be humorous.  When we laugh, or sneeze, or burp, or pass gas, he laughs like its a great joke.  He's ONE.  How much worse this is going to get with time, I can only imagine!

Then there's the little jokes we have with the teenagers, occasionally.  The oldest boy frequently lets us know how he feels "trapped" and like a "slave" although he really has a lot of freedom here. Their main issues are that they can't have cell phones, and they can't get on social media stuff (facebook, etc), and they can't just come and go as they please, so we often get this, "See, if I was at home..." story/complaining business.  I understand, I do, but it doesn't make it any Less annoying.  One day he announces at dinner, "I'm a slave. This place is just like a big plantation."
John - "Really? How is that, since you don't do hardly any work besides keeping your own room clean, you do get paid an allowance, we don't own you at all, and this place doesn't make any money.  This is a NON-PROFIT organization."
Kid - "OK, then I'm a sharecropper."
HAHAHAHA! Yeah.  We had to laugh so we wouldn't get mad and super annoyed at the ingrate.

Our most recent funny moment was tonight because we ran out of gas in the Ford Flex.  I have owned many vehicles.  I love and have fully respected all vehicles we've had that are Toyota and Nissan.  I'd like a Honda someday maybe.  I drove a Ford Contour in High School, and now one of the village vehicles is a Ford Flex.  I'm sorry if you're a Ford fan, but after these 2 vehicles, I AM NOT.  I really dislike Ford manufacturing.  The "Found On Road Dead" acronym seems to fit perfectly.  The Flex said "26 miles to empty" when we pulled out of the driveway to pick up the kids from VBS, less than 5 miles later, we had to pull over as the car ran out of gas.  Major bummer at 8:45pm, in the rain, with 2 babies and 2 teenagers.  It was super annoying, but looking back, it's kind of funny, because I had just told John, "We should just get like $2 of gas here to make it into town." and he was like, "No, it still says 10 miles, we'll make it." Not so, my darling.  Oh well.

A nice, but somewhat intoxicated country stranger stopped and drove John about 2 miles back to the house to get the other vehicle and the gas can.  There was some pushing of the vehicle to move it to a safer place off the road, and we left the flashers on, locked it, and left. We then had to drive into town to get gas in the little can, and buy a funnel from Wal-Mart because the gas tank spout on the Flex makes it impossible to pour gas in from anything remotely easy.  I was just thankful that we had literally just fed the babies and changed their diapers before we left, so they weren't bad at all, and the one time we leave the house without the diaper bag, it wasn't a big deal.  It was funny/hot to see John unhook the car seats and move the babies - still-strapped-in-to-their-car seats from one vehicle to the other and re-install the car seats in the other vehicle.  It was funny because it was so awkward looking with the babies still in their car seats looking around like, "What the heck?" and it was hot because I know those things are super heavy.  Jonah weighs almost 30 pounds now (yeah, he's a chunk!), so our little sumo man and his big-kid car seat is crazy large to just be pulling up and moving around like cake.  Go strong hubby!  Then John was so silly all the way from Wal-Mart back to the Flex, making goofy noises in the funnel like a teenager.  I sat in the back with the babies and kept kissing and tickling them to keep them awake so they would take their bottles and go to bed like normal when we finally got home.  Not a bad night. Ahhhhh, good times.

I know I'm not super funny, but Ilana, a working New York mama, is hilarious on her blog over at Mommy Shorts if you need a laugh, although she does use some profanity.  I'm going to try baby mugging very soon! 


  1. I love this! Some of the things that I say to E are just ridiculous, Like, "please don't lick the dog". For little boys, All bodily functions just get funnier with age.

  2. Boys really do get worse with the bodily functions. JT is 3 1/2 & thinks it is funny to toot while quiting in your lap or walking by. Not looking forward to the teenage years with three boys. Btw-we always used "Fixed Or Repaired Daily"

  3. Oh goodness! Boys are so silly! I had no idea it started this young though. I used to have these high hopes of a little gentleman, now I'm like, "If he doesn't fart in public, I'll be satisfied."