I Forgave King David

Confession:

I have never liked King David from the Bible.

As a self-righteous teenager who was very much proud of my own lack of visible sin problems, I just let my heart develop this real hardness toward King David because all I knew about him boiled down to this:

1. As a young teenager he killed Goliath with his slingshot and a rock. (I know the rock didn't kill him, but that was my perception.)

2.  He was a man "after God's own heart." (I didn't even know what that meant, but I was vaguely aware that it meant everyone else apparently liked him.)

3.  He slept with Bathsheba and murdered her husband to try to cover it up. (My naive self used to think of adultery as the absolute WORST sin ever.)

4.  His love-child died, but after that his life was peachy again. (My mean pitiless self actually felt like he deserved the death of his child - after becoming a parent, I know that the death of a child would be an awful, terrible punishment, and NO ONE ever deserves that.)

5. He wrote a bunch of the Psalms. (That's actually true.)

I was a high schooler who didn't struggle with purity problems because I had never had a boyfriend.  I wish someone had told me this:

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This year I've been reading the One Year Bible, and as I began the story of David, I told John, "I can feel that God wants to change my heart toward King David.  It's going to be big."  I even confessed this issue to my Bible study group back when I was pregnant with Karis and we did the Priscilla Shirer "Jonah" study.  One of the wise women said, "Oh Kelly, if you think of David and Bathsheba as more important than you think of David and Goliath, then that's a heart problem."  I nodded.  I knew it.  I just wasn't ready to forgive him yet.  John finds it super silly that I had a forgiveness problem with a dead person.  I did though.  I really loathed the fact that David was so popular even though in my plank-filled eyes, he was such a perv.  I detested the thought that it was a good thing that Jesus came from his blood line.  When pastors would preach about David, I would just kind of mentally check out a little bit, like what they taught was somehow less important or useful because David was included.  When I saw that a psalm was written by David, I'd roll my eyes and put up a little heart shield that said "This psalm means nothing to me because that heinous David wrote it."  I was such a prideful Bible snob!  I was unteachable in this area for the last 15 years of my life.   Isn't that an awful shame?  I am shaking my head at myself.

Then, fortunately, a few months ago, (I began this post in May, but then we moved, and life has just been non-stop since) God put me back in my place.

I had never read David's entire life story from beginning to end before.  I didn't know anything about him other than the 5 things listed above.  I judged him, harshly, based on those things.  I didn't know how so stinking respectful he was to Saul, and repeatedly spared Saul's life, even as Saul was trying to kill him in 1 Samuel 24, 1 Samuel 26!  I didn't know how amazingly wise he was to continually ask God before doing something if it was a good idea or not in 1 Samuel 23, 2 Samuel 2 and multiple other passages.  I didn't know how David mourned the death of Saul and Jonathan in 2 Samuel 1.  I didn't know that he gave God the glory for so many of his victories:

2 Samuel 5:19 So David asked the Lord, “Should I go out to fight the Philistines? Will you hand them over to me?”

The Lord replied to David, “Yes, go ahead. I will certainly hand them over to you.”

20 So David went to Baal-perazim and defeated the Philistines there. “The Lord did it!” David exclaimed. “He burst through my enemies like a raging flood!” So he named that place Baal-perazim (which means “the Lord who bursts through”). 21 The Philistines had abandoned their idols there, so David and his men confiscated them.

I didn't connect that David wrote so many psalms as praises to the Lord until I read this in 2 Samuel 7. I didn't know that he hunted down Saul's family to try to be kind to them on purpose in 2 Samuel 9. I didn't know that he loved his kids so much that he let them rise up and try to steal his kingdom and then was so brokenhearted when his son Absolom was killed in battle trying to overtake his father's throne in 2 Samuel 18 and 19!  David lived longer and had a few other sin problems and few other victories for the Lord.

You know what I hyper-focused on knowing? I knew about David's sin with Bathsheba from 2 Samuel 11, and I judged David's entire life based on that mistake.

It broke my heart as I realized that I love so many people here on earth now because I know their whole story.  I forgive them, I even respect and admire some people I know really well (family and friends) who have also committed adultery, lied, and done many other unloving things.  I love them, and forgave them almost immediately after hearing of their adultery, because I know them, I know their whole story, and I know the amazing way they make their family work despite it all.  I know the forgiveness, the heart ache, and the consequences of their actions, and the joy and love on the other side, and I just love them.  However, I judged King David like nobody's business.  I didn't even know his whole story!  It was a huge reminder to never judge people based on the tiny slice of the pie that I see, because I will probably never know their entire life story.  Some people have had awful, tough, difficult lives, and what I see is only a sliver of what they are experiencing.  That old cliche phrase about walking a mile in someone else's shoes, has got a lot of truth behind it!  God changed my heart on this right as we were moving to Somerville a few months ago, but I have been so busy with the kids and trying to figure out how to juggle all of the things we deal with now that I had not made time to edit and post this.

 Then John preached an excellent sermon on forgiveness (part of a series on the Lord's Prayer), and he spoke specifically on the following verses:

Matthew 6:12-15New Living Translation (NLT)

12 and forgive us our sins,
    as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
13 And don’t let us yield to temptation,[a]
    but rescue us from the evil one.[b]

14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ephesians 4:32New Living Translation (NLT)

32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Then John (my cute hubby preacher) said this:

"Jesus is saying that if you don't know show mercy, 

then you don't know mercy.

If you don't show grace, then you don't know grace.  

If you don't show love, then you don't know love.

If you don't show forgiveness, then you don't know forgiveness."

He's right.  Who have you been reluctant to forgive? If Jesus can forgive us of all our filthiness, than how dare we refuse to forgive someone else?  Looking at the cross puts everything back into perspective.  Realize the extent that God showed his mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness and extend it to others.

Others = ALL PEOPLE. 

I thought this was a great article about speaking and showing love to the immigrants our country is receiving:  Speaking Christianly About the Unaccompanied Children Crisis.

I will leave you with this thought.  I didn't forgive David, because I was judging him instead of loving him and the redemptive work God did in his life.  Who are you unable to love today because you are too busy judging them?

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Please don't think that I go around judging others all the time.  I really don't.  I was just hanging on to judging David for way too long, and felt God asking me to share it with people.

Mommy Ups and Downs

Sooooo...feeding infants is disgusting.  I'm not sure why/how I forgot how nasty this process is, but I did.  Self inflicted amnesia, perhaps?

Today marks one week of feeding Karis "solid" (read: super runny goop) foods.  I growled, y'all.  I gritted my teeth, and I made some mean, ugly faces at that baby.  This is homemade baby food from organic vegetables and milk I pumped.  I worked for this.  Karis does not give a flying flip. She does NOT like to open her mouth.  She grins with her mouth closed while I'm trying to feed her.  She literally wraps her little lips around her gums, sucks them in, shuts her mouth and smiles at me, as if she knows this is an impossible way for me to get the spoon into her mouth.  That's annoying, but still mildly cute. I mean, she's adorable.

Ya know what's worse? When Jonah starts screaming in his high chair because he's finished about half of his turkey dog, apple slices, crackers, and watermelon, and he wants to get down.  So then she's turning her head at a weird angle, but opens her mouth, like she knows I can't feed her sideways! Gaaaahhhhh! So I'm mean hollering at Jonah,
"HUSH! NO WHINING! WAIT PATIENTLY!" He looks at me like I must be from outer space, and can I please send his mother back down to earth.  Now she's looking at me, she laughs and I sneak in a bite. She spits out 90% of it, I scrape it off her chin with the plastic spoon and shove it back in her mouth, and this time only 40% comes back out.  We do that a few times. Less than a full minute later Jonah starts whining again, repeat baby acrobatics to see him.  I angrily slam down the baby food, get up and drag Jonah's high chair into the kitchen and out of view.  I tell him, "You need to eat your food.  No whining."

I come back to feed the baby her carrots and breast-milk puree, and she decides she is not on board with this endeavor.  She now cries every single time I manage to get a bite in her mouth.  "BUT YOU LIKED IT YESTERDAY!!!! PLEEEEEASE! UUUGGHHHHH!"  I hear Jonah copy my final growl sound from the kitchen, "UUUGGGHHH!"  I'm so annoyed I can feel my face getting hot.  I'm a very cold natured person, wearing sweaters and hunting down blankets when people get all liberal with their air conditioners, so this means I'm for reals mad.

I yell at no one in particular, "I HATE FEEDING BABIES!  THIS IS GROSS!  WHY IS THIS SO HARD!? I HATE THIS! AAAARRGGHHH!"  I decided this was a mommy fit and it needed to end.  I took the 70% of the food she didn't eat back into the kitchen, put it down calmly, and then wiped Jonah's tray and got him down.  I put him down.  I went back and wiped off the baby and put her in her exer-saucer thing.

I felt like crying.  You may think this is a little dramatic if you are a person who doesn't have children, or has never had two children very close in age, or you did but you forgot all the tough stuff and you now just shell out wisdom like, "Enjoy every second, because you'll blink and they're all grown up!" To which I say please read this article.  If you were as sleep deprived and exhausted as I was because of long baby-filled night, you would be cranky, too. {I was up nursing the baby until after 1 am, then little toddler comes running and crawls into the bed at 3 am, and then baby wakes up at 4 am, so I put her into bed with me to do the whole side-lying nursing so I don't have to get out of bed and sit in the chair, and then I wonder if that was really the best idea, because now there are two grown ups and two babies in our queen sized bed, and why didn't we buy a king size a few years ago?   Then toddler wakes up before 6 am wanting to play, so I let him play in his room for a while as the baby nurses some more but doesn't really wake up.  Then I am forced to surrender to the "Go Down-Tairs!" whine/beg/yell combo the toddler has mastered, so I make sure baby is asleep then grab my pants and carry him downstairs to put on a Thomas video and give him a greek yogurt and some cheerios to shut him up, so I can lay down in the recliner and sleep until the baby wakes up an hour later.}

I looked at the time, reasoning that we had about an hour and half before we had to be out the door to go eat dinner with someone, and thought about the unseasonably beautiful weather (you know outside time just seems to heal you), and announced, "We're going to the park!"Jonah starts yelling, "Pay-Gown! Pay-Gown!" (playground, because he just prefers to say playground to park, I don't even know why).  He does love the playground though.

 I say, "YES! Playground! We need to get outside." I take off his dirty pajamas, and give him a puzzle he hasn't seen in a few days so I can dash up the stairs and grab him a clean change of clothes.  I quickly run up the stairs, grab his shirt and shorts from the drawers, and run back down the stairs praying the whole time, "God please don't let him hurt the baby!"  Usually when she's in the saucer he leaves her alone, especially if he's distracted.  Also, it's not like he can easily sit on her or attempt to pick her up from that position, so the most damage he can do is like hitting with a toy type of thing.  I bring the baby with me upstairs 98% of the time I go, but when I know exactly what and where I am going to grab something, I sometimes decide to just made a run for it (literally).  So I'm doing that and hoping she doesn't start screaming.  When I came back down, this is what I found:

I just kept laughing with them.
This happened for like ten minutes straight. At some point John came home and went upstairs, and I was too mesmerized by these little clowns to really talk, so I just tried to capture a little more of it.

It was so freaking adorable. Sorry the lighting is pretty bad because the baby is in front of the window, but you can hear the good stuff.  It was the most laughter she has ever let out.  It made me happy.  It made the disgusting feeding worth it.  I love them.  I love my life.  I love this. We did go to the park after that.  Then eating out, then church, then bath and bedtime, and a repeat of the long night again.

Parenting is hard, but it's worth it.  I wish I had more time to blog, and exercise, and clean, and read.  I dream about going back to be a teacher, and I love reading articles on new classroom ideas.  But this is my season, the baby/toddler times.  I've been in this season for three years now, although I only have a two year old, because last month marked the first day we started foster parenting.  I know it will go by fast, and some days are delightful, and they do go by quickly.  Then other days are disgusting and exhausting and long.  I alternate between guilt tripping myself out with thoughts like "all those people struggling with infertility would be happy to have your little mess-makers, and women in China are forced to visit an obgyn every 3 months to check that they aren't pregnant, and are made to get abortions if they've already had one child..." but then I give myself a little grace and say it's OK to be frustrated, I just can't dwell on it.  I have to turn it around quickly and bring the tone back to love and laughter. A good friend of mine said she says, "Mommy needs Jesus, too.  I'm sorry." I've been using that line a lot lately.

This is my job for now, and I am trying to become more intentional about it.  Then sometimes I get a little gem, a little surprise present of my babies just cracking each other up, and it is all beautiful again.

 

We Moved, Again!

Whew.

That's what it feels like on the other side of moving, like you just dragged a million boxes half way across the globe.  Even though it was only 4 hours, two babies can make it feel a lot longer.

One big huge sigh of relief that it is over.

Except, it's not over yet, because we aren't done completely unpacking the upstairs.  However, we have been in our new home for just over three weeks now, and it's getting close to feeling like a real safe place to land.  The last time I blogged about this sweet church, I even forgot to mention that we found out about this position from our last boss, at the Mississippi Baptist Children's Village.  John and I were tired and stressed out while working there, and often questioned our purpose.  We felt like we weren't really making an impact like we had hoped.  I don't know if we will ever see what seeds were planted or not, but I do know that if we had not worked there for almost a year, we would very likely not have this new ministry opportunity now.  Our boss's in-laws attend this church and told him about starting this new contemporary service and trying to reach young families, and he told them he knew the perfect guy, and heartily recommended John.  After a super long interview process, here we are!  It brings the last two years of our lives to a beautiful full circle.  I just love how God does stuff like that!

Jonah caught mid-climb the night before loading the truck.

That morning while waiting at the U-Haul place.

The day we tried to move, it felt like everything went wrong.  The U-Haul place lost our reservation.  When they found our reservation, they had the truck, but no key.  Once they found the truck and we loaded it, and had two guys come help to load it, and John finally left.  Then he pulled over to get gas just down the road, and the battery died.  John had to wait over an hour for them to replace the battery.  I left separately with Karis and had to stop three times to feed her.   We had told the church we'd be here around 4:30 and they were planning to have a team of people to help us unload.  John didn't pull in until after 8.  Church had just let out, and the entire youth group and many many others helped to unload the truck.  John said it took less than thirty minutes to unload every single thing.  I got there over an hour later, and many people had already left, yet several were still there asking how they could help, moving things as we directed.  It was such a kind, warm welcome at the end of a long, difficult day.  I love these people.

Several people and families have helped us in numerous ways since we moved in.  They came back to help us unpack boxes, to install baby gates at the bottom and top of the stairs, and the washer and dryer, and to put together our new little dining room table, to put up a gate on our back patio to keep Jonah inside, and to help hold kids so we could do things.  Then they did a church "Ice-cream social/Old fashioned Pounding" the Sunday night after we arrived.  It is called a "pounding" because it was a tradition to give a new church leader a pound of all the pantry staples (a pound of sugar, flour, beans, rice, etc).  We did get several of these things (I've got about 5 pounds of sugar, yo!), and we also got blessed in a big way with gifts and gift cards to several stores.   A TON of people were there, and it felt very welcoming and sweet again.  I have written many thank you cards, that I am still trying to pass out, but I wish I had more of an opportunity to tell everyone there how much they meant to us.  When the pastor asked me if I wanted to say anything, I could feel that tearful lump in my throat, so all I could get out was "Thank you.  Thank you so much." because I did not want to ugly cry in front of all the new friends.  I just kept feeling like, "I can't believe these people already like us so much!"

So, church family, if you were there to help us move in, or there at the pounding, whether you gave us anything material, or monetary, or gift card, or acts of service, or prayers, or just a smile, then this applies to you.  I wish I could have said this:

"We prayed for the last 7 months for God to lead us to the ministry position that would be right for our family.  We asked God to put us in the exact place where He wanted us to serve.  He chose you.  I am so glad that he did.  You are the answer to months of prayer and searching.  You are already embracing us and loving us much more than we expected.  We are overwhelmed by your kindness.  You have welcomed our family with open doors, open arms, and open hearts, and it has not gone unnoticed.  We thank you for everything, from the bottom of our hearts. We hope and pray we can love, serve, teach, and grow with you for years to come."

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We are still trying to get back in to a regular family routine, and poor little Jonah really struggled the first week or so we were here.  The first three days we were so busy that his bedtimes were much later for him, so he was little sleep deprived as well.  He is still cutting more two year molars (I wish this teeth would hurry up!), and he is having serious grandparent withdrawals.  He cried every single night that first week, and we let him continue to sleep in the crib in our room.  We had to let Karis sleep in her little rock n'play sleeper, and it was fine.  All four of us slept in our bedroom for a few days like that, and then we moved enough furniture to put her in Jonah's room and a rocking chair so I could go in there and feed her and not wake up Jonah.  After Jonah had a few good days, and we got Apple TV set up to where we can do facetime with our parents on the TV, he did better. During facetime my mom asked Jonah, "Do you sleep in your Thomas bed?"  He looked at me kind of funny and I explained the situation, and not wanting to make him change beds so soon while he was still obviously stressed out.  A few hours later at bedtime, he announced, "Go night night in Thomas bed."  I was not about to argue with that, so he did.  I sat next to him and rocked the baby while he went to sleep in his big boy bed.  I had forgotten the super powers that our moms seem to possess over this kid.  It was bittersweet.  I went back to our bedroom and laid the baby in the crib for the first time.  She slept fine.  Part of me wanted to do cartwheels that they were both in their 'new' beds, and part of me wanted to cry that they had both just grown up enough to be in those beds.  Wasn't I just pregnant like yesterday?  I am still thankful though.  Thank you Lord for babies growing into their new beds and making that monstrous transition so much easier than expected! We still have to stay in the room with Jonah until he falls asleep, and he does come and wake us up and get in our bed about 3-4 nights a week.  We are hoping that is more teething pain related, and will stop when the teeth are in.  It was also the biggest battle ever to switch Jonah from the rock n'play sleeper to the crib around 5 or 6 months old, so I was determined to switch Karis earlier, and we have done so successfully at 4 months.  She is also waking up a few times a night to eat again, because she seems to be in a growth spurt and is also trying to cut her first little teeth.  She constantly drools, soaking bibs and clothes, and sucks and chews on her fingers.  Who knew teeth were SUCH a huge life issue?

One of our favorite things about our new home is that we can walk to church in about 2 minutes.  I now fully understand the cliche phrase "Location, location, location."  I've never ever been this close to anything before.  Our living arrangement right now is a huge blessing.  We can go back and forth to church several times a day if needed (as we did for VBS), and it's no big deal.  Forgot something?  Oh, I'll be back in less than five minutes.  Babies acting insane?  Ok, I'll go put them to bed and there's no possibility of them falling asleep in the car on the long ride home because WE WALKED.   John can come home for lunch.  We can go walking outside and stop by and visit him for a few minutes if Jonah is really needing a daddy-fix.  It's just a wonderful thing to be so close.  It is also the smallest place we have ever lived, but we are making it work.  It's great to be independent again.

I forgot how much more peaceful and happy I feel when I can decorate and make my space a reflection of our family.  One of my favorite new things is this beautiful wall sign that our sweet friend in Huntsville made for us:

She had been making these pretty pallet signs with her mom with the lyrics to the "Oceans" song (which is beautiful, and moving for sure), but I asked her if she could do this scripture for us instead.  This is the verse that God just kept throwing in our faces over and over and over as we prayed about this decision.  Every time we asked God for direction on whether to move, He led us back to this verse.  This is our mission as a family.  We are here to make disciples, to baptize, to teach, to love like Jesus.   Having this up is such an encouragement already.

We don't go places as much as we used to though, because we do live so close to the church.  I spend a lot of time at home playing with the babies and feeding, clothing, and changing diapers constantly, while also trying to accomplish unpacking and dishes and laundry, and the babies are not on board with any of those activities.  They slow me down, and test my patience, but I was reminded this week in my Bible study time of this verse:

I've been reminding myself, "They are a gift. They are a reward."  The verse on our wall also applies to them, and I know that I am called to make them disciples, too.  They are super cute though, so that helps a little on the rough days when it feels like the whole house is a mess and they both want to be held because it's all so new and they're both cutting teeth.  It is a privilege to be so needed and loved, but it is also exhausting!

This is me.

Tummy time!

Hugs

Girl selfie!

Apparently my conversation is boring, *yawn*

It rained a lot last week, and I let Jonah experience splashing in the puddles in his rain boots. 

This is our new life.  It is hard, hard work right now as we are throwing ourselves full speed into the flow of this ministry.  It is tiring, but it is beautifully worth it to see souls changed.  Please, above all, keep praying for God to lead John, and for John to be able to listen and follow the Lord's will.  His biggest prayer is that he would stay behind the cross in everything that he does.

Please continue to pray for Jonah to adjust.  Jonah is still struggling with all the changes, especially nursery at church and John's new schedule. He was very independent before we moved, and almost never wanted to be held.  Since we got here, he is my number one fan, and constantly wants to be held.   I have become good friends with my ergo baby carrier, and have worn 32 pound Jonah on my back several times. I wear the baby on my front multiple times a day.  Jonah's difficulty with this adjustment has really given me a tiny glimpse of how hard it is for children who are adopted to leave a foster family or orphanage or whatever their life situation before going to live with their forever family.  If Jonah is struggling this much and he still has his parents and face-time with grandparents, and old photos and videos on our phones of family, how much more difficult it must be for children who have nothing at all from their former lives with them when they move!  It is no wonder the initial adjustment period is so very difficult for many kids and parents.  It has reminded me to pray more for the adoptive families I know, and for our future adopted child.  I don't know if he or she is born yet, but I am praying for that little heart.

If you want to know how you can better help or pray for me then please read this article titled "9 Secrets Your Pastor's Wife Wishes You Knew".  Those things are already proving true for me, (especially #1 and #9), but except #5, because although Sundays are hard, and long, and the babies make it tough, I still enjoy worship, and I love hearing the Word spoken.  I am so thankful for Pastor Ken and for John.   I really enjoy their messages.  Watching John preach also makes my heart swell with happiness because he is now able to do what God has called him to for years.

THANK YOU for praying for us!

In the voice of the Whos down in Whoville: "We are here! We are here! We are here!"

How to Pray for the Brokenhearted

I sometimes spend the day on a teeter-totter of emotions when I find out about tragedies, especially when children are involved.  I have loved kids since before I realized I wasn't one anymore.  I was that little girl who always pushed around baby dolls, and loved her friends deeply, and cried when friends got hurt.  I loved to babysit, and knew early on that I wanted to be a teacher because I just love kids, and when I go any length of time away from daily working with kids, I feel a tremendous void in my life.  I know all people don't feel this way about kids.  I do know that all people feel this way about something.  I have a dear sweet aunt who is passionate about animal rights, and love love loves her 'kubs,' as she affectionately calls them.  I have friends who are passionate about many different things, and so different things break their hearts.  I get that.  God created us so very differently, that even our pain is different, and our response.  However, I think I've found something that may be a key in one of the ways we can pray.

I am struggling with two tragedies right now.  Get your tissues or skip to the next section.

A car accident yesterday happened locally, right outside the school where I did my first teaching, where I got my first job in a school as a special education para professional for a Kindergarten autism unit.  This car accident shattered me when I heard about it yesterday.  This morning I looked for more information to see if I knew the family from my time at the school.  I don't know them.  But, I know so many families like them.  This sweet, Godly family, had four cute little white kids, and then last year they decided to fulfill the command in James 1:27, and they added two beautiful little brown faces to their home by adopting.  In the car wreck yesterday, a semi truck collided with their SUV and hit it very hard, and made it flip.  Their five year old son was killed.  Two of the girls are in the hospital now.  The mommy was driving, and she has just been released from the hospital.  This is the latest news report about it.  If any of the facts are wrong, I sincerely apologize.  We need to be praying for the Brown family.

The other thing that I can't stop crying over when I think about it, is a cousin of a student I used to teach.  This sweet family has twin five year old boys, a little girl, and the mommy is pregnant right now with another girl.  One of those twin boys is fighting a losing battle with a brain tumor.  This is his sweet mom's latest, honest, heart wrenching post.  We need to be praying for the Sauer family.

This is what usually happens to me when I read about these kinds of things:
I have the initial shock,
"Oh God, NO! That is awful!"
Then my soft heart just breaks for them, and as the tears start falling I am thinking,
"Oh Lord, that is So. So. SAD.  Oh, God, pleeeeeeeeease help them!"
Then I often continue to think about that family/situation and just cry for them, and imagine if it was someone in my family, and I cry harder, and then I try to love my family more.  I continue to pray a super generic "God, please help them," kind of prayer every time they come to mind.

I have been convicted, that my generic prayer, though better than nothing, is NOT enough.  There are people who have the financial means to give, and oh yes, they should give.  This is not a post about money though, this is about prayer.  I saw this post tonight from Chatting at the Sky as God was already working in my heart about this.  This quote that Jesus taught his disciples how to pray, reminded me that He gave us the outline for prayer.  I have often used this outline to pray for my family and our own lives.  Today it hit me that Jesus never said, "Pray this only for yourself." or "Pray this only when you're in church." or "Pray this when you take communion." or "Pray this only when someone else starts to, so that your voices will sound cool saying the same words at the same time."  Nope.  He simply said "Pray like this."

This is what he said:
Matthew 6:9-13, New Living Translation

9 Pray like this:

Our Father in heaven,
    may your name be kept holy.
10 May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
    as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today the food we need,[a]
12 and forgive us our sins,
    as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
13 And don’t let us yield to temptation,[b]
    but rescue us from the evil one.[c]

You may have memorized it like this:

Clothing Design Company Photo Credit

So.  We have an outline.  Let's take that outline and pray it for the brokenhearted.

{Please understand, that this is NOT what you need to say to the brokenhearted - they often do not need our words.  Hugs, food, crying with them, listening to them is what they need.  Don't SAY these words to a hurting person. PRAY these words for them, in your heart, or out of earshot.}

Verse 9: Our father in heaven, may your name be kept holy in this situation. Please help them to be strong enough to not curse you for this awful thing happening to their sweet family.  Help them to continue to see you as a father who loves them, who is holy, who does have a bigger, better plan in the midst of their pain.

Verse 10: May your kingdom come, may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Your will is always to draw people back to the love of Christ, so that your name will be glorified.  God, please use this situation to glorify you.  Somehow, bring beauty from these ashes, as only you can.  It was never the will or desire of this family for their child to die, so please be with them as they adjust to the new normal of having to accept this.  Please help them to continue to surrender to your will, to seek you, to find you, to accomplish your will.

Verse 11: Give them today the food they need.  God please provide for their basic needs, food, shelter, clothing, whatever needs they may have.  Call out people to bring them meals so they don't have to worry about it.  Touch people who know them to reach out and give to them.  This family is hurting and struggling with the pain of loss.  Please don't let them have to struggle with simple but annoying tasks like figuring out what to make for dinner.  Help me to provide a meal for them.

Verse 12: God please forgive me for any sin in my heart related to this.  I confess I am confused.  I know though, that the family experiencing the loss of a loved one, is in far more pain and suffering than I am.  Please forgive them for any sins they commit right now.  God, help them to be strong against sin, but help them to also feel your continuous comfort and love even when they do say or do things they will later regret, because they are hurting so much.  Lord, help them to forgive you.  It is natural for them to blame you and others.  Please help their hearts to heal, to forgive you even though it's not your fault.  I know this is the result of living in a sin-filled, fallen world, but God, that is not very comforting.  Help them to forgive themselves if they harbor guilt about it.  Help the mother who was driving to let go of the guilt that is sure to come.  Help the family to forgive the driver of the semi truck.  Bring forgiveness to their hearts, so that they can heal.

Verse 13:  Don't let them yield to temptation, but protect them from the evil one.  God help them to fight the temptation to blame you, to get totally depressed, to stop parenting the living children they have because they can't stop mourning the dead. Help them to fight the temptation to lash out at each other in anger.  God help them to fight the temptation to numb themselves to the pain by using something that will hurt their bodies.  Lord, help them fight the temptation to run away from it all, to run emotionally and mentally become withdrawn or closed off to each other and to love, or to run physically by abandoning their families or even considering suicide.  God, help them fight temptations.  Protect them from the lies Satan is going to throw at them.  Protect them from the pain that may want the parents to get so far away from each other, and the memories of their babies that they think divorce is the answer.  Protect them from the media being callous in any dealings with their painful situation. Rescue them from the pain.  Be their comforter. God, help them to run to you now.

I'm not an expert by any means.  I am not saying that any family should react to grief one way or another.  I am saying, that as the Body of Christ, when we hear about tragic events and then we can't stop thinking about them, it is because we are supposed to intercede on their behalf through prayer, and possibly to give monetarily, or make meals, or give in other ways.  I am not saying that this is a perfect script for every situation.  I am saying that we should be more purposeful in our prayers, and using the Lord's prayer as our guide is one way to start.  Pray for people who are hurting, and pray with a purpose.  I am learning the power of this right now in my life.  I hope this helps someone.  Lift up specific prayers for people when your heart goes out to them.

 

Beginning a New Adventure!

The match has finally been found!  The ministry position we have praying for, hoping for, begging God to bring us into, has finally arrived!  This is an answer to so many prayers.  It has felt overdue to us, but of course, is right on God's perfect timing.   John preached in view of a call the last Sunday in April, and then the church voted on him the first Sunday in May, and we officially decided to accept the position a few days ago.  Meet the new "Associate Pastor of Young Adults and Youth" for First Baptist Church of Somerville, Tennessee:

I know, he's a STUD!

This lovely church is desiring to reach out to the community and serve a new generation of folks, and so they have added a Contemporary Service to their Sunday morning schedule.  John's role will be to primarily preach in that service about 3 times a month, and to reach out to young adults and families in the area, in hopes of growing the younger population of the church.  John is also over the youth department, but they have a really cool guy who is doing a wonderful job with the students of the church, and so they want John to first focus on growing the Contemporary service, and then take on more youth department responsibilities later on.  This is located in a community about 45 minutes east of Memphis, near Oakland, not far from where we lived and worked when John was in seminary.  The church population is a really sweet group of people who are already embracing us from afar via phone and facebook!

The past 7 months of unemployment have been a real faith building journey for us.  We have had many opportunities at jobs that seemed almost right, but just not quite.  We've had a few close calls where we were told "Congratulations! You've made it to the next stage of our hiring process, fill in this long questionnaire." Only to be told a month or two later that the position had been filled.   We've had dark days where we felt like we'd never find a church to serve, doubting the call to ministry, doubting our purpose, and listening to fear.  We've had bright hopeful days where we were able to trust in the Lord and wait on Him, and hopefully anticipate service to come.  

We have come through a season in our marriage and personal lives where we were able to really conquer some sin issues, and set up a more firm foundation for how we want to raise our kids.  We were able to travel some and visit good friends that we had not seen in years.  Our parents were able to spend countless hours with Jonah, and now have been able to get to know Karis.  We've made new friends, and learned new things along the way.  

One of the biggest things I feel that has changed in us is our attitude toward others.  Our pride took a big hit when we had to move in with John's dad.  It wasn't too bad at first, but as the months wore on, we began to feel like real lousy, failure degenerates.  College degrees don't matter when neither of you has a job.  Foster parenting twelve other children doesn't matter when you can't show love and patience to your own screaming little urchins who just keep crying. and crying. and crying.  Having no debt doesn't matter when you don't have your own place to call 'home.'  Having to share one vehicle has also been really tough.  I know that sounds shallow, and over half the world does not own even one car, but after being used to always having two cars, and not needing to coordinate our schedules, having freedom to go where and when we pleased, the one car family was a little rough at times.  Realizing new sin in our hearts, and uncovering old sin brought us low to the point of truly understanding once again that our righteousness is just filthy rags.  We are no better than anyone else.  If we didn't have amazing, loving families to come to and live with, then we would have been broke as a joke on our own.  God used our situation to humble us.  It's a beautiful thing too, that when we no longer held ourselves in such high regard, we realized that we are now able to love people so much more because their sin and brokenness is just a reflection of ours.   All sin is sin.  All people are people.  Jesus died for every. single. person. no. matter. what.    

 

God has brought us to a heart change that I am certain will enable us to love people and serve them with kind hearts instead of being judgmental or condescending.  He has prepared us to serve by teaching us to see people through the lens of grace, instead of the lens of the world.   I am so thrilled and excited to get to know the people of this church and this community and to learn with them, grow with them, and love them.  

We did not make this decision lightly.  We prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted together and called on some of our prayer warrior friends to pray for us, and then we prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted some more.  We fought our fleshy desire to stay as close to home as possible.  We thought of reasons to say no, but kept coming back to the biggest reason to say yes: God calls us to Go and Make Disciples, and He wants us to go.  We have total peace that this is where God wants us to serve.  I saved this K-Love Scripture picture to my phone and prayed it back to God often:

God, we want your will, so show us your path!

We accepted the position and had peace, but then the weight of the world crept in so suddenly that we got stressed out about finding a place to live, how would John get ordained, and how were we supposed to load and unload a U-Haul by ourselves with 2 babies around all day!? The very next day ALL of those problems were handled.  One of the really awesome guys from the church found a condo open right across the road for the church and asked the manager to hold it for us.  He then informed us that we don't even have to pay rent until June 1st.  This is how I explained the next few moments to some dear friends in an e-mail I sent a few days ago:

 "I suddenly started bawling my eyes out.  I felt such joy and peace wash over me as if God was saying, "You may be leaving your family again, but you are stepping into the Body of Christ, where people are so excited to embrace your family!"
I thought about the fact that my grandmother died 2 years ago, and how we are about to gain over 100 new grandparents.  I thought about the fact that every time we've moved before, we've had to find a church.  This time, we're going into a church that is excited to welcome us!  I thought about how hard it has been to move to new places where we don't know anybody, and how now we are moving somewhere where the whole church knows us already, and we get the pleasure of meeting them, and we are close to LOTS of friends we met in Memphis!  I thought about how long we've waited and prayed and begged God for a place to serve, and how perfectly our family is going to fit in here.  Joy washed over me and I kissed the baby over and over and she began to laugh.  Her first laugh!  Jonah's first laugh was the day we had to say goodbye to our foster babies we thought we could adopt, as we got ready to move away from Memphis.  Karis' first laugh was today.
John was out running errands and so we had talked on the phone about the condo.  When he came home, I told him my feelings and he said, "You know what else?  The pastor called and asked me when we are moving because they want to pay for a real moving company to help us move, to help load the boxes and everything, and they want to have a welcoming party for us when we arrive, and people to help us settle in."  WOW!  We have always moved ourselves before, with one or two friends helping lift the heavy things and load the trucks. John unloaded the whole U-Haul alone when we moved into seminary.  I laughed.  We smiled.  The joy is really setting in as this body of believers is already stepping up to help us out as much as they can.
A few minutes later he said, "Oh, and I talked to Brother Michael," our pastor from Bartlett Baptist Church in Memphis where John was the Associate Youth Pastor while he was in seminary, "He said they are already planning to have an ordination service at the end of this month to ordain 2 other guys, and it would be no problem for me to be ordained then too. So as soon as we get there, we can do that too."  Holy Moly!  How many stressful things can be completely taken care of in a matter of hours!? Also, it will be so nice to see some of the people from that church again!"

We serve such an awesome God, who takes care of all of our needs!

We had already planned to celebrate Mother's Day here this weekend, and then Jonah's birthday next weekend.  Then, we are moving on the 20th.  That's TEN DAYS away!  It's Friday, and John and I are going out on a date tonight, to celebrate the job, and to try to get Karis to take a bottle from my mom.  It's been a long time coming, but God's timing is always perfect.  We have had a long sweet time of rest to spend with family and friends to get us through this pregnancy, birth, and first few rough months of a screaming newborn.  As Karis' temperament seems to be evening out a little, we are preparing to move again.  I am so excited!!! Eeeeek!  
 THANK YOU so much to every single person who lifted up a prayer for us during this time.  Prayer is such a powerful tool!!! 

Please continue to pray for our little family as we make this transition and fit ourselves into this new place. Pray that we would have servant hearts full of love for the people we serve.  Pray that we would be open to continue to hear God's voice leading us in every interaction, so we can help to grow their body by reaching out into the community. 

Let me know how we can be praying for you!  

Five Minute Friday: Mess

Joining up with Lisa Jo Baker, for something I haven't done in a long time, but sincerely missed.

Five Minute Friday with over 200 other aspiring writers. Check it out!

Go: Mess

You mean the mess that is five piles of laundry on my bedroom floor that I waded through to get from the bathroom to the bed?

The mess that is the two sinks full of dirty dishes overflowing to the counter tops until we have absolutely no forks or knives left and you have to stand on tip-toes to reach the faucet over the pile of plates and cups?

The mess that is the kitchen/dining room floor that I sweep/vacuum when I remember to, less than once a week?

The mess that is the pile of cloth diapers in the hallway overflowing the wet bag because for some reason I just can not remember to get a plain garbage pail at Walmart to store the dirty diapers?

The mess that is my toddler's face right now because he has a cold, and so snot dries to his nose and the skin around his mouth and then food also gets stuck, and what I hope is sweat making the front of his hair look like that?

The mess that is my constant daily wardrobe of yoga pants or pajama pants with ANY top that will just open easily down the front so I can pull out a boob for this three month baby who refuses six different brands of bottles?

Or do you mean the mess that my heart was in before I realized I needed Jesus?

The mess that acted like I was more important than others?

The mess that thought for some reason I was better than that woman walking down the street with pants that were way too short but obviously not capris?

The mess that had so much puffed up pride I looked down my self-righteous nose at people who had obvious sin, while I just continued to brush mine under the rug?

The mess that sang songs like "Amazing Grace" and had no idea what that really meant?

The mess that looked at half the world and thought they deserved their plight?

My house is a mess because I am raising two babies.  My heart was a mess because I was praising myself.  When my babies are a little bigger, I pray my house will be cleaner.  My heart got cleaned up when I realized that there is nothing I can do worth praising, and I started to praise Jesus instead.

I thank God for the mess that represents the babies.

I thank God for cleaning up the mess that was me.

Stop.

Edit: I thank God for cleaning up the mess that IS me, every single day! 

The Easter Story in Tot-Speak

Jonah loves books.  He is almost two. *Gasp!  Really!?

Reading him a book is one of the few ways you can guarantee he will sit in your lap and be *mostly* still.  I have been trying to tell him the Easter story in little people simplified terms and this is how it goes.  I use this Children's Bible.

We have several different ones, and I actually like the words in the "Jesus Storybook Bible" better, but the illustrations are just excellent in this one, and right now, let's face it, he's in it for the visuals.

This is how I "read" him the story:

Bad men hurt Jesus.  They hit him.

Jesus had to carry the cross.

The city went dark.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

They put him in a tomb with a big rock.

But then the rock was moved!

An angel said 'Jesus Is ALIVE!!!!'

Jesus is risen!  Jesus is ALIVE!

They want to see where the nails were.

Many people saw Jesus.

Then Jesus went up to Heaven to wait for us.

I try to really emphasize that Jesus IS ALIVE.
How do you explain this huge concept to your little kids?  Some children's Bibles do not include the cross because of it's graphic violence.  However, I feel that it is something we should try to start explaining as soon as possible.

Thank you Lord for the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

 Happy Easter.