Last week we came to Mississippi to begin our new job. John and I feel led to be House Parents. If you are new to our story, then let me tell you, this job picked us. John went to Seminary for the last two years and graduated with his Masters of Divinity the day Jonah was born. I taught first grade for the last 3 years. Our little human plans were for John to find a job in a church, and I would be his ministry cohort and stay-at-home mom instead of going back to work. One ministry job after another looked promising and then fell through. We even accepted a position at a sweet church, but on John's first official day, he went in and had to tell the pastor, "I just don't feel like this is where God wants me to be right now." John and I were at our wits end and praying God would lead us to the ministry job in a "church" where He wanted us instead of us continuing to hunt for one on our own. We had been foster parents for a year, and knew we wanted to adopt eventually, but that's as far as we had thought we'd go in child/orphan care. As the days went by though, John felt less interested in the church positions he was offered. I just prayed God would direct us. One day John asked, "What do you think about being House Parents?" and it felt like life just clicked into place like the charger on your cell phone. I knew that was our next step and had instant and complete peace. We made up a cover letter, combined our resumes, and then sent them all over the south east states to different Children's Homes. Alabama offered us a Relief parenting position, but it was working 3 days in one house, 3 days in another house, and 3 days off to go live in our own place somewhere. That's a lot of moving for a couple and a baby, and not a lot of one-one-one bonding time with a specific group of kids. Then Georgia called our references and we thought we would get a call, but then found out the position had been filled "in-house" by people already working there. Then one day Mississippi called, and we set up an interview. We hadn't even completed the application process and we were basically hired. We had a month before starting for our background checks to clear and for the house to have some maintenance done on the land. We spent time with family and took the trip to Boston. That month flew by. We started working as House Parents last week!
First we sort of got some "On-the-job-training" while we stayed at another campus and sort of shadowed the parents there and got to see their daily life in the "cottage" with their kids. This was fantastic, and we loved getting to know the other two sets of House Parents and meeting their cool kiddos! I asked several of the kids for pointers too on what they liked and didn't like about House Parents so we could be cool. :) Favorite moment: Imagine several adolescent boys sitting around watching some TV show where a woman is giving birth all by herself on the screen (appropriately of course, only showing her shoulders and face and she's totally faking, I mean acting). One boy says to no one in particular in the room, "Who's baby is that?" He's obviously asking about the father on the show, but without missing a beat, completely serious and straight faced, another boy answers, "That's HER baby!" LOL!!! John and I laughed so hard.
Then we came to our new home on Monday afternoon, and immediately set about trying to get the house ready because we were told we would be getting our first residents on Wednesday. For privacy and safety for the children here, we are not allowed to publicly share any information or pictures about them. Sorry. I will tell you there are some older ones, some younger, and a baby. I can tell you about them as far as it would be the same no matter who they were. So, when we get new kids here the first thing we do is a clothing inventory to see what they have, and what they need. These needed a lot, so we spent all the next day shopping at Wal-Mart and JCPenney's. I do mean all day: we left the house around 10am for ole Wally world, then shopped like crazy, came home and took a nap, then went to Meridian, where we shopped for hours and literally ate taco Bell for dinner at 10:30pm, and rolled into bed at almost midnight. Yes, we're great parents already, haha! Then the kids had to register for school and get a physical, so we spent almost 3 hours in the doctor's office with them and their social worker the next day. Their social worker is an angel. I have never met a kinder person. This man is obviously being a social worker because he feels this is what God has led him to do with his life. He is a breath of fresh air to work with and communicate with about the kids. Good social workers are a blessing! Thank you Lord! Then Friday night, the mayor paid for us to go to the town fair. The kids had a blast. It was so good to see them having a great time! I had fun until the babies got tired and cranky, at which point I was ready to go home. It is a little rough having another baby around again, especially when they both wake up twice in one night. We're working on that. For now that means we take naps if we can after taking older kids to school.
Our kids seem to like us so far! I can't give details about them, but I can tell you that they are great kids. We are blessed to be their parents for now. We have already got a good household routine of chores, and mealtimes, and play-times, and it's going really well for the most part. Although our bedroom looks crazy because we haven't even finished unpacking, the rest of the house is neat and tidy, and the kids are very good at doing their chores. It's so nice to have a little help! It has been a little weird to cook so much though. I like cooking, I just haven't made big meals this many days in a row before. Tonight our new church had a Wednesday night fellowship meal, and it was the first time I haven't had to cook since our Taco Bell trip last week. It was a welcome break! When we get another set of house parents for the other side of the house we will alternate cooking days, and that'll be a little easier too. We are quickly adjusting to small town Mississippi life. I'll tell you all about that soon. :) Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! We miss friends and family but we can already see that God is using us here, and that feels good. Here's what a typical school day looks like in our household:
6am - I turn off the alarm on my phone.
6:20 am - I frantically realize I turned off the alarm instead of hitting snooze, slap John a few times, and we jump up and wake the kids. I set out their water bottles, juice boxes, and snack choices, then make coffee. John and the kids get dressed, grab their things, and are out the door by 7. He drives them to school, prays with them in the car, and then comes back home.
7:05 am - feed a baby, depending on which one is awake, maybe eat my PB&J waffles and drink the coffee.
7:25 am - John is back home and we either have a little quiet time together, or one or both of us goes back to sleep to make up for the baby-interrupted night before.
9:30 am - either take a nap, feed a baby, or do some laundry.
Even if we've taken a nap, we are always up by 10:45. Then we spend much of the day trying to set the house in order as far as where we want our furniture and things in our bedroom, and doing laundry, and feeding babies and changing diapers. One day we actually ran a mile. This is difficult out in the country living on a highway. We have to start at one end of the driveway and run to the mailbox and back 4 times to equal a mile. It felt good anyway. I think next week I will make it a goal to run that mile at least every other day.
2:45 pm - John goes to pick up kids from school. I feed a baby and put out an afternoon snack.
3:25 pm - John and kids walk in. The kids tell stories of how other kids get in a lot of trouble and get paddled in the hallway. We are continually surprised by the very public paddlings that take place here.
4:15- This is supposed to be homework/study time but so far the kids have said they have no homework because this is the 9 weeks testing time. I've fought the urge to call this "Reading Time" and force everyone to go somewhere and read for at least 30 minutes if they don't have homework. I'm still contemplating it but I don't know if it's just the teacher in me or if it would actually be a good parenting move. John says he'll go with it if I want to. I'd LOVE some thoughts/feedback on that! Parents and teachers advice welcome!
5:00- I begin to make dinner. Some of the kids like to watch and help, sometimes John helps if he's not playing with the kids outside or watching/feeding a baby.
6:00 - We pray in the kitchen and everyone assembles their plate and we go eat in the dining room. At dinner we play the "Hi/Lo" game and everyone shares their best (Hi) moment from the day and their worst (Lo). This keeps dinner conversation interesting while allowing us to learn more about each other. Toward the end of the meal John or I read the daily devotion and discuss it with the kids then pray. Lately devotions have run long because the kids ask a lot of great questions and we love being able to talk and discuss God's word with them.
7:15ish - Chore time, where the kids help us get the "cottage" back in order (or as much order as you can get with random baby paraphernalia scattered about for their use). When chores are done the kids have some more free time before their different bedtimes.
8:00 - younger kids' bedtime - take a shower and "lights out" by 8:30.
9:00 - older kids' bedtime - take a shower and "lights out" by 9:30.
Lights Out is in air quotes because all of the kids are afraid of the dark and leave their bathroom light and a small lamp on their room, so the phrase really means they can't get out of bed after that time.
10:00 - Hopefully all kids are tucked away and John and I can actually be alone for a second to catch up and unwind. Although lately this seems to happen much later.
midnight-4 am - one or both babies wake up wanting to be fed at least once.
6 am - it starts all over again! Yay! :)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Small Town Southerners in Big City Boston
*This was mostly written last week, right before we started the job, but since I began this post I have not had time to even open my laptop and finish it until now, so some things are a little off-date.
I have a dear friend named Ghazal I met during my college days at the University of Alabama in Huntsville. She is literally one of the smartest people I know. She has her phD in Material Science which means she can basically do anything with any material (like melt glass, weld metal, split plastics, burn sand, etc), and she has taken tons of math and science courses which I could never even dream of passing like Advanced Chemistry and Cal C and crazy tough stuff like that. She fluently speaks/reads/writes two languages. She also just happens to be courageous enough to travel far away from her family, funny in a witty way, and kind with a big heart. I wanted to go to Boston to see her, and to take a little vacation before starting the new job. John loves the Boston Red Sox and US History, so he wanted to see Boston for it's baseball and historical significance. Ghazal is soon moving, so we decided this would probably be the only time I'd be interested in going, and we were getting ready to start our job soon, so we went to Boston! We are now also considering this our 4 year anniversary gift to each other, since that is next week.
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We had a great time! Ghazal and her boyfriend Hooman (whom is also very smart, I just haven't had the pleasure of getting to know him quite as well yet) took us all over the city showing us the interesting sights and feeding us the delicious foods. My favorite things were the Boston Harbor and the pretty public parks we walked through, and this organic, home-grown fast food place called "B. Good." The Jamaica Pond park has a lovely lake. The big park in the middle of the city has tons of my favorite tree, the weeping willow. John really liked seeing and being in Fenway Park and on Yawkey Way. Jonah took great delight in being in his stroller so much since he loves being outdoors. It was really a good experience for all of us, however, traveling is very different with a baby. I knew it would be, I just didn't expect the degree to which Jonah changed the way we got around. Jonah is a great baby, but he still has his moments where he just throws a little temper tantrum because he's tired, hungry, has gas, or he would just rather be outside. He didn't do it often, but when he did it was stressful and considerably slowed us down. Thank God, he was very well behaved on the plane rides. In Boston we used a stroller some, the backpack snugli at other times, and just held him a lot too.
Boston has an intricate and highly functional system of public transportation. Their "T" system uses underground and above ground trains and buses which run often and accommodate handicapped passengers quickly. I was impressed with their efficiency and speed, although Jonah was not. We knew Jonah loves being outside, but I think he may have a touch of claustrophobia as well. The more crowded the train or bus, the less happy we found our baby. He slept through a few blessedly quiet rides as well. There was one particular trip on the evening of the Red Sox game (it should be mentioned that I previously thought Red Sox was one word, but after visiting Boston and seeing a wider range of signs, banners, and clothing, I learned that it is two separate words), when we rode the underground train with standing room only that I began to feel like a failing magician who is being booed off stage and trying to shield himself from thrown fruit. I tried every trick I knew to get my baby happy. He usually prefers to face away from the person holding him, so he sat on my lap with my left arm around his little round belly and my right hand trying to entertain and distract him. We shook his soft baseball rattle at him. He smiled once and kept fussing. I moved my bottle of water in figure eights in front of him so he could watch the water slosh. He stared at the bottle then looked back at the plaid shirt on the stomach of the standing man directly in front of us, and began to fuss some more. I turned him around to try to soothe him on my shoulder and he kept turning his little face side to side rubbing his nose against my shoulder and fussing, so I sang softly in his ear. I sang "Hosanna" and thought he was asleep, but when I stopped he started fussing again. I tried to keep singing but he seemed too upset that I had stopped in the first place. I then made silly faces which mostly consisted of contorting my mouth into different shapes and going cross-eyed. He silently looked at me like I was an alien, then began to fuss again. I jiggled him, rocked him, bounced him, tickled him. Everything would calm him for about twenty seconds before he would begin to fret again. Thank the Lord, he did not get worked up into his full wailing cry, but only did constant "Meh meh, Eh eh" sounds. However, in a crowded train, even that seemed to make the trip much longer and annoy the other passengers. When we got off the train near Fenway, he was perfectly happy again while we began to look around.
Unfortunately that night at the game, Jonah didn't care much about watching baseball. He was more interested in eating. After looking around at a few of the stores there on Yawkey Way, Jonah began to get fussy and this time I knew he was hungry and so we began to look for a place with hot water so we could thaw the frozen milk bags we packed so that I would hopefully not have to try to nurse him while at the ball game. The big city part of Boston in general is not very baby friendly, and Fenway Park is no exception to that rule. I hadn't seen very many babies on the T, and I didn't see any at Fenway. When Jonah is happy lots of people stop or give comments in passing about how cute he is, or they smile and make faces at him. When Jonah is screaming in public, people look quickly and then look away. Some strange people stare at him, and will even come up and ask "What's wrong?" as if it is any of their business. If you don't have kids, here's a tip: when kids and babies are crying or misbehaving, don't ask their parents questions about it. We are already stressed out, frustrated, and embarrassed. Just look the other way and be thankful at that moment it's not you. So now John is entering his childhood dreamland of Fenway Park, carrying a very unhappy, wailing, red-faced baby, because we can't find the hot water to thaw his bottle, and I didn't bring my neato-beato nursing cover my sweet mother made me for public nursing because I thought we were giving him the bottle. I'm sure in all of John's years watching baseball and thinking about Fenway he never once thought, "I'd love to walk in there with a screaming baby!" Haha, oh how life is sometimes different than we expect! I finally held Jonah and stood in one place trying to soothe him and sent John off to hunt the hot water, because I realized that both of us frantically trying to get through the crowd with screaming baby was not helping the situation at all. He soon returned with bottle ready, and baby happily gulped it down. All was well with the world again. Exactly 3 hours later, still at the game, Jonah was hungry again and I had to stand in the restroom stall leaning with my back against the door to feed him. I don't recommend this position to other nursing moms, but it got the job done. We left the ball game that night with a happy baby and a happy daddy, and although my back hurt from Jonah's standing meal, I was happy too just because they were.
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That night was one of my most vivid memories, probably due to all the baby drama, but there were other wonderful moments as well. Sunday morning John got up early and went to take all the Fenway tours, while I slept in and then got ready and went out with Ghazal and Hooman. They took Jonah and I to a lovely little restaurant for brunch and I had the best French toast with their homemade chocolate pistachio hazelnut spread (think nutella but richer, thicker, and creamier, mmmmm). We strolled through a more suburban area to get there, and then I saw a few strollers and more children. There were also a lot of public restrooms further out there as well. (Downtown had very few restrooms, and it was frustrating) We passed laundromats, schools, cafes, beauty shops, bus stops, a yoga studio, and a few little churches. It reminded me of the photography illustrations in Mo Willems' "Knuffle Bunny" trio of books. We walked a little further and came to the big Jamaica Pond park with a large lake, and many trees, and enough people to make it interesting, but not so much that it was crowded. Jonah had fallen asleep, so we sat on a bench and just enjoyed the view. The sun was shining, the baby was happy, and it was just a perfect day, like the kind you go back and reminisce over when you're sitting stressed somewhere and need a decompressing thought. I greatly enjoyed those moments.
One thing we learned while in Boston. John and I are not cut out for big city living. Although we enjoyed our visit, and are glad we went, we know it's not somewhere we would want to raise a family, or live permanently. I kept thinking and saying "There's so many bricks and so many people." The many styles of architecture were very interesting, and standing in Copley Square was fun, between the old church and the new glass high-rise.
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Soon though, the buildings and streets began to feel like a great inescapable concrete and brick mountain, teeming with most culturally diverse group of people I have ever seen. For example, in two seconds you may see a Gothic dressed couple in all black with numerous chains, piercings, tattoos and brightly colored and pointy styled hair, brushing sleeves with a suit-clad businessman with gel slicked hair and a hippie looking lady in a long tie-dyed skirt, espadrilles, and a beret, trying not to get run over by a few people on bicycles. Jogging past these people is a fit blonde young lady with a pony tail, dodging the Asian woman carrying her laptop in a shoulder bag and texting with ear buds in, as a Middle-eastern lady walks by with a partial head-covering. On the other side of the street are three teenage black girls having a great conversation, passing a beggar with a cardboard sign reading "No job, no food, anything helps" and a myriad of people in Red Sox caps. The people were fascinating to watch, but few made eye-contact, and even fewer returned a smile. It was this blank, vacant stare that looked right through you, and didn't even acknowledge your smile, that made me feel a little sad. I don't think they were trying to be rude. I think they are just a little more immune to human facial expressions because they see so many humans on a daily basis that they stop being interesting to look at, and they may sometimes forget there are souls behind those eyes. It was strange to be one in such a busy crowd. It made me feel small like standing next to an ocean, but without the profound sense of peace the ocean brings. Instead, I felt small with sadness, like I could never talk to or reach all these people for Christ. It was an interesting experience.
I loved seeing Ghazal. I enjoyed walking down the street with my friend, and riding the subway with her, and staying up late talking and watching Netflix with her. I loved seeing her get to play with Jonah too. I learned that I like seeing my friends enjoy his personality. I knew I liked our families playing with him, but I didn't expect to feel so happy when he smiled at Ghazal or laughed at Hooman. It was fun. I had a great time. If you have friends in Boston, you should go visit! However, I doubt you can find better hosts than ours. Thank you Ghazal and Hooman!
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I have a dear friend named Ghazal I met during my college days at the University of Alabama in Huntsville. She is literally one of the smartest people I know. She has her phD in Material Science which means she can basically do anything with any material (like melt glass, weld metal, split plastics, burn sand, etc), and she has taken tons of math and science courses which I could never even dream of passing like Advanced Chemistry and Cal C and crazy tough stuff like that. She fluently speaks/reads/writes two languages. She also just happens to be courageous enough to travel far away from her family, funny in a witty way, and kind with a big heart. I wanted to go to Boston to see her, and to take a little vacation before starting the new job. John loves the Boston Red Sox and US History, so he wanted to see Boston for it's baseball and historical significance. Ghazal is soon moving, so we decided this would probably be the only time I'd be interested in going, and we were getting ready to start our job soon, so we went to Boston! We are now also considering this our 4 year anniversary gift to each other, since that is next week.
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Boston has an intricate and highly functional system of public transportation. Their "T" system uses underground and above ground trains and buses which run often and accommodate handicapped passengers quickly. I was impressed with their efficiency and speed, although Jonah was not. We knew Jonah loves being outside, but I think he may have a touch of claustrophobia as well. The more crowded the train or bus, the less happy we found our baby. He slept through a few blessedly quiet rides as well. There was one particular trip on the evening of the Red Sox game (it should be mentioned that I previously thought Red Sox was one word, but after visiting Boston and seeing a wider range of signs, banners, and clothing, I learned that it is two separate words), when we rode the underground train with standing room only that I began to feel like a failing magician who is being booed off stage and trying to shield himself from thrown fruit. I tried every trick I knew to get my baby happy. He usually prefers to face away from the person holding him, so he sat on my lap with my left arm around his little round belly and my right hand trying to entertain and distract him. We shook his soft baseball rattle at him. He smiled once and kept fussing. I moved my bottle of water in figure eights in front of him so he could watch the water slosh. He stared at the bottle then looked back at the plaid shirt on the stomach of the standing man directly in front of us, and began to fuss some more. I turned him around to try to soothe him on my shoulder and he kept turning his little face side to side rubbing his nose against my shoulder and fussing, so I sang softly in his ear. I sang "Hosanna" and thought he was asleep, but when I stopped he started fussing again. I tried to keep singing but he seemed too upset that I had stopped in the first place. I then made silly faces which mostly consisted of contorting my mouth into different shapes and going cross-eyed. He silently looked at me like I was an alien, then began to fuss again. I jiggled him, rocked him, bounced him, tickled him. Everything would calm him for about twenty seconds before he would begin to fret again. Thank the Lord, he did not get worked up into his full wailing cry, but only did constant "Meh meh, Eh eh" sounds. However, in a crowded train, even that seemed to make the trip much longer and annoy the other passengers. When we got off the train near Fenway, he was perfectly happy again while we began to look around.
Unfortunately that night at the game, Jonah didn't care much about watching baseball. He was more interested in eating. After looking around at a few of the stores there on Yawkey Way, Jonah began to get fussy and this time I knew he was hungry and so we began to look for a place with hot water so we could thaw the frozen milk bags we packed so that I would hopefully not have to try to nurse him while at the ball game. The big city part of Boston in general is not very baby friendly, and Fenway Park is no exception to that rule. I hadn't seen very many babies on the T, and I didn't see any at Fenway. When Jonah is happy lots of people stop or give comments in passing about how cute he is, or they smile and make faces at him. When Jonah is screaming in public, people look quickly and then look away. Some strange people stare at him, and will even come up and ask "What's wrong?" as if it is any of their business. If you don't have kids, here's a tip: when kids and babies are crying or misbehaving, don't ask their parents questions about it. We are already stressed out, frustrated, and embarrassed. Just look the other way and be thankful at that moment it's not you. So now John is entering his childhood dreamland of Fenway Park, carrying a very unhappy, wailing, red-faced baby, because we can't find the hot water to thaw his bottle, and I didn't bring my neato-beato nursing cover my sweet mother made me for public nursing because I thought we were giving him the bottle. I'm sure in all of John's years watching baseball and thinking about Fenway he never once thought, "I'd love to walk in there with a screaming baby!" Haha, oh how life is sometimes different than we expect! I finally held Jonah and stood in one place trying to soothe him and sent John off to hunt the hot water, because I realized that both of us frantically trying to get through the crowd with screaming baby was not helping the situation at all. He soon returned with bottle ready, and baby happily gulped it down. All was well with the world again. Exactly 3 hours later, still at the game, Jonah was hungry again and I had to stand in the restroom stall leaning with my back against the door to feed him. I don't recommend this position to other nursing moms, but it got the job done. We left the ball game that night with a happy baby and a happy daddy, and although my back hurt from Jonah's standing meal, I was happy too just because they were.
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That night was one of my most vivid memories, probably due to all the baby drama, but there were other wonderful moments as well. Sunday morning John got up early and went to take all the Fenway tours, while I slept in and then got ready and went out with Ghazal and Hooman. They took Jonah and I to a lovely little restaurant for brunch and I had the best French toast with their homemade chocolate pistachio hazelnut spread (think nutella but richer, thicker, and creamier, mmmmm). We strolled through a more suburban area to get there, and then I saw a few strollers and more children. There were also a lot of public restrooms further out there as well. (Downtown had very few restrooms, and it was frustrating) We passed laundromats, schools, cafes, beauty shops, bus stops, a yoga studio, and a few little churches. It reminded me of the photography illustrations in Mo Willems' "Knuffle Bunny" trio of books. We walked a little further and came to the big Jamaica Pond park with a large lake, and many trees, and enough people to make it interesting, but not so much that it was crowded. Jonah had fallen asleep, so we sat on a bench and just enjoyed the view. The sun was shining, the baby was happy, and it was just a perfect day, like the kind you go back and reminisce over when you're sitting stressed somewhere and need a decompressing thought. I greatly enjoyed those moments.
One thing we learned while in Boston. John and I are not cut out for big city living. Although we enjoyed our visit, and are glad we went, we know it's not somewhere we would want to raise a family, or live permanently. I kept thinking and saying "There's so many bricks and so many people." The many styles of architecture were very interesting, and standing in Copley Square was fun, between the old church and the new glass high-rise.
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Soon though, the buildings and streets began to feel like a great inescapable concrete and brick mountain, teeming with most culturally diverse group of people I have ever seen. For example, in two seconds you may see a Gothic dressed couple in all black with numerous chains, piercings, tattoos and brightly colored and pointy styled hair, brushing sleeves with a suit-clad businessman with gel slicked hair and a hippie looking lady in a long tie-dyed skirt, espadrilles, and a beret, trying not to get run over by a few people on bicycles. Jogging past these people is a fit blonde young lady with a pony tail, dodging the Asian woman carrying her laptop in a shoulder bag and texting with ear buds in, as a Middle-eastern lady walks by with a partial head-covering. On the other side of the street are three teenage black girls having a great conversation, passing a beggar with a cardboard sign reading "No job, no food, anything helps" and a myriad of people in Red Sox caps. The people were fascinating to watch, but few made eye-contact, and even fewer returned a smile. It was this blank, vacant stare that looked right through you, and didn't even acknowledge your smile, that made me feel a little sad. I don't think they were trying to be rude. I think they are just a little more immune to human facial expressions because they see so many humans on a daily basis that they stop being interesting to look at, and they may sometimes forget there are souls behind those eyes. It was strange to be one in such a busy crowd. It made me feel small like standing next to an ocean, but without the profound sense of peace the ocean brings. Instead, I felt small with sadness, like I could never talk to or reach all these people for Christ. It was an interesting experience.
I loved seeing Ghazal. I enjoyed walking down the street with my friend, and riding the subway with her, and staying up late talking and watching Netflix with her. I loved seeing her get to play with Jonah too. I learned that I like seeing my friends enjoy his personality. I knew I liked our families playing with him, but I didn't expect to feel so happy when he smiled at Ghazal or laughed at Hooman. It was fun. I had a great time. If you have friends in Boston, you should go visit! However, I doubt you can find better hosts than ours. Thank you Ghazal and Hooman!
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Monday, September 17, 2012
First Trip to Waynesboro!
Last Monday we went to see our new home! It was also our last family ride in the truck because John sold it today, since we will have no use for it as House Parents, and we'd like to start an official "Adoption Account" savings. :) We rented a U-Haul trailer and loaded it the night before with our bedroom furniture and books and a few other items we thought we could use there. We left from Huntsville around 11:30am, with a happy baby. Jonah sat rear-facing in his car-seat in the middle of the backseat, and I sat next to him, squished between the car-seat base and the door. I was okay with this at first because we got in some great play time with his assortment of little colorful rattles, and soft animal toys which allow you to pull a leg and then it vibrates as the leg wiggles it's way back up. He wasn't too unhappy about the car-seat in the beginning. Then he fell asleep and took a great two-hour nap. It was during his nap I began to feel a little silly for wanting to ride next to him because now I was uncomfortable, and found it difficult to talk to John without speaking too loudly and waking the baby, but I wasn't tired enough to sleep. We had to stop in Tuscaloosa to return a redbox we had rented the night before, and the baby woke up soon afterward. We stopped at a gas station to fill up and I fed him while John went and got us a late lunch from Milo's (this may have been outside of Birmingham or Tuscaloosa, I don't remember, either way the gas price in the background is a little sad). I've enjoyed their tea before, but had no idea they had actual restaurants. If you like hamburgers and fried chicken fingers, I recommend you try it sometime! As I ate, John burped the baby and then had fun pretending Jonah could drive:
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When we put him back in the car-seat he was not very happy about it, and our playtime consisted more of me trying to make silly faces and noises to entertain and distract him from his car-seat straps. His little face and whimpers seemed to say, "I hate this thing! Why are you always tying me down in here! I can't move! I can't look around! Get me out! Set me free! Please people!" I feel simultaneously sorry for him and annoyed at his whining. This parental sympathy/annoyance/I'm-sorry-but-I-can't-help-it-and-you-should-just-get-over-it feeling just makes me want to go cross eyed and say Lalalalalalalalalalalalala! It seems to be happening more often as Jonah develops his own little irrational opinion about things including the car-seat, he won't eat when I am talking, he won't eat when someone else is talking, he now fight the cover I use so I don't have to hide, and then his occasional afternoon/evening general fussiness. Oh well. I'll get over it. I am still so thankful for him, and love him to pieces! When he's not whining and fussy, he is the cutest thing and biggest blessing in my life, and I struggle to stop kissing him. Sometimes kisses annoy him too. So, we drove for several more hours and finally arrived our new home around 4:30 or 5 pm.
First impressions/thoughts/prayers: Whoa! It's HUGE! I get to live here!? I don't have to pay for this!? They're going to pay ME to live HERE and be a parent!? Sweet Deal! Thank you God for leading us when we had no idea what to do! You're plans are ALWAYS better than our own! I am so blessed! We must do the very best job we can to keep this place beautiful and homey for the kids who live here. I can't wait to decorate! Thank you Lord for providing time and time again. Thank you for providing more than we could dream, and leading us to your plan, your purpose instead of our own. Proverbs 19:21:
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Thank you for giving me a husband who wants to help kids as much as I do. Please continue to strengthen our marriage so we can be a strong family. Please continue to lead us. Please teach us how to be the parents these girls will need us to be. Please don't let us forget what a privilege and blessing it is to be here, no matter what situations come when the girls arrive. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you God! We don't deserve this. We doubted, we had no idea your great plans, your faithfulness! Psalm 86:15 -
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Now, even if we didn't have a job right now, God would still be faithful. We are just being reminded of it through this job at this time.
We spent that evening unloading most of the U-Haul - when I say 'we' I mean John and our director because it was (surprise here's something unexpected) time to feed Jonah again. Most of the wall space is empty, so I get to decorate it! It is also completely furnished though, so only our bedroom furniture really fits. There was a small debate over whether to unload everything into the first bedroom choice we had or the second choice. The first choice was a room with a cubby type opening that was the space between two closets. John thought this room had more space and we could put Jonah's crib in that cubby. I disagreed but tried to be the sweet, submissive, Proverbs 31 type honorable wife and just went with it. However, after he fell asleep on the couch and I stayed awake unpacking a few boxes, I just kept going back down the hall to the second choice bedroom and moved furniture enough to realize we would definitely have more room in that one. In the morning John finally agreed, and this time he and I moved everything down the hall to the other bedroom. A few days later on one of my facebook friends' wall I saw this sign:
and I literally laughed out loud and told John about it. In the end, all of our furniture (our bed and dresser, Jonah's crib and dresser, the glider rocker and ottoman, and John's TV stand) fit much more neatly into the second room, which also gave us 2 more feet of cabinet/counter space in the bathroom and DOUBLE the closet space! SCORE! I have to give John credit for driving all the way down there though, with no map or directions other than looking at it the night before, and not getting lost at all. I have no sense of direction, and would have ended up in Oklahoma maybe. We also got a little tour of Waynesboro, which at least has a Walmart! (I find it amusing how town-size in the south is measured by whether or not a place has a super-center). We left the next morning to return the U-Haul in Hattiesburg and have lunch with our dear friend and mentor who officiated at our wedding. It was such a blessing to get to catch up and spend time with him. It is good to know older, wiser people who have wisdom and encouragement and a great example for us to follow! Proverbs 27:9 - Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
Then it was a long, long ride home.
John and I took turns driving. While driving I daydreamed about different ways to put up Bible verses around the house, and thought and prayed about which ones to use. I thought and prayed about the girls, the ones we will have, and the ones we just lost. We got to speak with our social worker last week, who is the girls' new foster mom's social worker as well. She told us that the lady has adopted 2 older girls from a private agency before, and just recently began fostering for DCS. She said she is a good Christian woman and the girls are doing well. That was good news. People don't adopt if they're in it for the money. We feel a little more at peace about their new home now. As much as we are moving on, there are many little reminders of them still in our lives. Mary's sippy cup I found under the seat in the truck, the pink bib I found in the bottom of the stroller, the butterfly pull toy from Madi's car-seat, the pictures on our phones, the way I see a kid's menu at restaurants and absent mindedly think about what I'd order for Mary and wonder if Madi has any teeth yet, when people ask where they are, all remind me that they're still alive, they're okay, but they're not ours. I don't know who or when we'll finally get to adopt, or when we will get girls in the new home, but I can tell you that we will love them so much, because ALL children are a gift from God...
My "Owl Love You Forever" shirt came in today, and I was reminded again that many parents never get to meet their children. ( Owl Love You Forever Site and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Site really broke my heart last week.) We've had the priveledge of meeting and parenting 7 other children this last year. We do get to keep Jonah. Life is precious. We have a huge responsibility waiting for us down there in Mississippi with the lives we are going to be in charge of daily, and we are eagerly anticipating being a part of this ministry. You can learn more about it if you'd like here: Mississippi Baptist Children's Village and keep reading this blog. :)
We get to start our new job officially October 1st! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement on here and facebook. We are thankful for our friends and family being so supportive!
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When we put him back in the car-seat he was not very happy about it, and our playtime consisted more of me trying to make silly faces and noises to entertain and distract him from his car-seat straps. His little face and whimpers seemed to say, "I hate this thing! Why are you always tying me down in here! I can't move! I can't look around! Get me out! Set me free! Please people!" I feel simultaneously sorry for him and annoyed at his whining. This parental sympathy/annoyance/I'm-sorry-but-I-can't-help-it-and-you-should-just-get-over-it feeling just makes me want to go cross eyed and say Lalalalalalalalalalalalala! It seems to be happening more often as Jonah develops his own little irrational opinion about things including the car-seat, he won't eat when I am talking, he won't eat when someone else is talking, he now fight the cover I use so I don't have to hide, and then his occasional afternoon/evening general fussiness. Oh well. I'll get over it. I am still so thankful for him, and love him to pieces! When he's not whining and fussy, he is the cutest thing and biggest blessing in my life, and I struggle to stop kissing him. Sometimes kisses annoy him too. So, we drove for several more hours and finally arrived our new home around 4:30 or 5 pm.
First impressions/thoughts/prayers: Whoa! It's HUGE! I get to live here!? I don't have to pay for this!? They're going to pay ME to live HERE and be a parent!? Sweet Deal! Thank you God for leading us when we had no idea what to do! You're plans are ALWAYS better than our own! I am so blessed! We must do the very best job we can to keep this place beautiful and homey for the kids who live here. I can't wait to decorate! Thank you Lord for providing time and time again. Thank you for providing more than we could dream, and leading us to your plan, your purpose instead of our own. Proverbs 19:21:
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Thank you for giving me a husband who wants to help kids as much as I do. Please continue to strengthen our marriage so we can be a strong family. Please continue to lead us. Please teach us how to be the parents these girls will need us to be. Please don't let us forget what a privilege and blessing it is to be here, no matter what situations come when the girls arrive. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you God! We don't deserve this. We doubted, we had no idea your great plans, your faithfulness! Psalm 86:15 -
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Now, even if we didn't have a job right now, God would still be faithful. We are just being reminded of it through this job at this time.
We spent that evening unloading most of the U-Haul - when I say 'we' I mean John and our director because it was (surprise here's something unexpected) time to feed Jonah again. Most of the wall space is empty, so I get to decorate it! It is also completely furnished though, so only our bedroom furniture really fits. There was a small debate over whether to unload everything into the first bedroom choice we had or the second choice. The first choice was a room with a cubby type opening that was the space between two closets. John thought this room had more space and we could put Jonah's crib in that cubby. I disagreed but tried to be the sweet, submissive, Proverbs 31 type honorable wife and just went with it. However, after he fell asleep on the couch and I stayed awake unpacking a few boxes, I just kept going back down the hall to the second choice bedroom and moved furniture enough to realize we would definitely have more room in that one. In the morning John finally agreed, and this time he and I moved everything down the hall to the other bedroom. A few days later on one of my facebook friends' wall I saw this sign:
and I literally laughed out loud and told John about it. In the end, all of our furniture (our bed and dresser, Jonah's crib and dresser, the glider rocker and ottoman, and John's TV stand) fit much more neatly into the second room, which also gave us 2 more feet of cabinet/counter space in the bathroom and DOUBLE the closet space! SCORE! I have to give John credit for driving all the way down there though, with no map or directions other than looking at it the night before, and not getting lost at all. I have no sense of direction, and would have ended up in Oklahoma maybe. We also got a little tour of Waynesboro, which at least has a Walmart! (I find it amusing how town-size in the south is measured by whether or not a place has a super-center). We left the next morning to return the U-Haul in Hattiesburg and have lunch with our dear friend and mentor who officiated at our wedding. It was such a blessing to get to catch up and spend time with him. It is good to know older, wiser people who have wisdom and encouragement and a great example for us to follow! Proverbs 27:9 - Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
Then it was a long, long ride home.
John and I took turns driving. While driving I daydreamed about different ways to put up Bible verses around the house, and thought and prayed about which ones to use. I thought and prayed about the girls, the ones we will have, and the ones we just lost. We got to speak with our social worker last week, who is the girls' new foster mom's social worker as well. She told us that the lady has adopted 2 older girls from a private agency before, and just recently began fostering for DCS. She said she is a good Christian woman and the girls are doing well. That was good news. People don't adopt if they're in it for the money. We feel a little more at peace about their new home now. As much as we are moving on, there are many little reminders of them still in our lives. Mary's sippy cup I found under the seat in the truck, the pink bib I found in the bottom of the stroller, the butterfly pull toy from Madi's car-seat, the pictures on our phones, the way I see a kid's menu at restaurants and absent mindedly think about what I'd order for Mary and wonder if Madi has any teeth yet, when people ask where they are, all remind me that they're still alive, they're okay, but they're not ours. I don't know who or when we'll finally get to adopt, or when we will get girls in the new home, but I can tell you that we will love them so much, because ALL children are a gift from God...
My "Owl Love You Forever" shirt came in today, and I was reminded again that many parents never get to meet their children. ( Owl Love You Forever Site and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Site really broke my heart last week.) We've had the priveledge of meeting and parenting 7 other children this last year. We do get to keep Jonah. Life is precious. We have a huge responsibility waiting for us down there in Mississippi with the lives we are going to be in charge of daily, and we are eagerly anticipating being a part of this ministry. You can learn more about it if you'd like here: Mississippi Baptist Children's Village and keep reading this blog. :)
We get to start our new job officially October 1st! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement on here and facebook. We are thankful for our friends and family being so supportive!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Best Birthday Yet!
I just turned 27! Yay! I am so thankful and happy to have been given this crazy, hectic, unpredictable, wonderful life! My favorite thing about my birthday each year is that I feel like God always gives me a special present. This began in 10th grade, when we had just moved to Alabama from Idaho, and I was still very upset and angry about moving and having leaving the few friends I had. I was also missing the wide open expansive brilliant blue sky from the lower desert region of Mountain Home where we had been living for 3 years. Alabama had greeted us with a horrifically muggy, humid heat wave, which made the sky that I expected to be blue, look more pale grayish yellow, and I was miserably missing my blue skies and friends. The morning of my birthday was actually comfortable, and when I looked up, the sky had returned! The beautiful blue sky was back! I knew it was my birthday present from God. Last year, we had been trying to get pregnant for a few months, and I had let myself worry a little. On my birthday I started feeling total peace about it. I think I knew then that I was pregnant and felt God say, "Don't worry." I stopped worrying. Three weeks later my peaceful feelings turned into nausea, fatigue, and other tell-tale first trimester signs, and it was confirmed. My gift of peace was actually a baby! My gift from God this year was a little different, and I'll get to that if you read to the end.
My handsome husband John has also gotten quite good at being a sweetheart and spoiling me with kindness on my birthday. One of his favorite things to do is to be the first person to post "Happy Birthday" on my facebook wall with a sweet personal message. He stays up until midnight on purpose so that he can do this. I also really appreciate all of my facebook friends saying "Happy Birthday" and other kind little posts! It was quite nice to look over at my phone and see 4 or 5 new birthday wishes every time I picked it up. I haven't seen some of these facebook friends in years, and I see others all the time. I am always torn on whether to "Like" each post, or to go to each person's wall and write a specific "Thank you," or to just post my status saying "Thank you to everyone..." So, this year, I decided to include all of you in this blog and say it this way: Thank you so much for taking the time to say 'Happy Birthday' to me yesterday! I really appreciate it! As I am going to go back and post this blog link with a thank you on your wall, I am going to pray for you. I am praying for your faith and your family. I will be praying that your faith be in Jesus Christ, and that you will remember to follow Him daily, even when it is difficult. I will be praying that your family have peaceful relationships, whether you are a husband, wife, parent, a sister, brother, son, or daughter, I pray you stay committed to loving your family and showing it with your actions, even when they don't deserve it and you don't feel like it. I hope you have a blessed day! If I forget to say 'Happy Birthday' to you on facebook, please forgive me, I don't always check it every day. If you are here from facebook, and we haven't talked in a long time, I would love to catch up with you! Feel free to read through the blog posts and you'll be plenty caught up on my life. If you have a blog, I'd love to read yours too, or feel free to send me a message!
Well, I had a wonderful birthday this year! The following account is one of my favorite (albeit selfish) ways to spend 24 hours. The night before, John and I got to go out on a date for the first time in over a month. We are so blessed to have good in-laws! John and I both get along very well with each others' families, and so this time Nana (John's mom) watched the baby. We had sushi and went to a movie, and it was good to be alone with no kids. That night Jonah slept his regular lovely little 7 hour stretch, woke up to eat, then went back to sleep for 2 more hours, which gave me enough sleep as well. The next time we got up, baby ate and then I enjoyed some exercise. I am trying to shed my last 5 pounds of baby weight, and get back to being able to easily run a 10-minute mile. I ran two miles in 25 minutes, then used dumbbells to get in some solid upper body strength time followed by plenty of yoga stretches. During the run, Jonah sat in his little bouncy play seat next to the treadmill and watched me while pulling on the hanging monkey and toucan. He got fussy toward the end, and so went down for his nap while I finished working out. I made one of my favorite breakfasts consisting of a peanut butter and jelly waffle sandwich with a sliced apple and more peanut butter to dip the apple in, and a full mug of cold organic vanilla soy milk. I finished this nutritious and delicious meal and fed the baby again. (He eats every 3 hours during the day, so he kind of punctuates the time). Then I got to go and be totally lazy, floating around Nana's pool for just over an hour. I love pool floating because it's so good to feel softly baked by the sun while praying to the God who put it there. I came in and John said, "Whoa, you've got some freckles there!" When I was in first grade in South Dakota, a little boy told me that freckles were actually angel kisses. From then on I have cherished my freckles in the summer when they emerge. I smiled, took a shower, and got ready. I fed the baby and we left to go to town for my birthday dinner.
We met my parents, brothers, John's parents, his sister and nephews to eat. We started at Red Lobster. However, the wait was going to be an hour and a half for a party of 12, so we went to Shogun instead, one of the cool Asian restaurants where they cook the meal right in front of you on a huge griddle-type thing. I enjoy spending time with both of our families together. They all pass Jonah around for his big smiles and baby talk and sweetness. I love the way he makes everyone happy, so I try to be good about sharing him as much as possible. When the chef man made concentric circles in oil on the hot griddle and then used a lighter to set it on fire, Jonah freaked out, poor baby! I watched his little face go from shock, eyes wide, a little jump and his arms shake, to horror, his eyes squint and his bottom lip pokes way out, to a very loud, frightened wailing with his little hands in tight fists and his eyes squeezed shut almost as if he was scared to see it again. He doesn't cry very often anymore, so it is very pitiful and he gets lots of cuddles when he does. He calmed down though, and went to sleep after much vigorous car-seat rocking by his Nana and Daddy, and then I kept rocking him to keep him asleep on the floor beside us. We left at sunset, and stopped to pick up a few redbox DVDs on the way home. Jonah was awake soon after we got to my parents' house, and I let my mom, 'Katy Nana' feed him a bottle so he won't forget how to take one. John watched an action filled man-movie with my dad and brother in the living room while mom and I watched The Lorax in my room. I fell asleep and woke up later to feed Jonah. It was a wonderful birthday. The whole lovely day, in the back of my mind, was my present from God I had received earlier than usual, at 1 a.m. that morning, while I was playing around on facebook after feeding Jonah.
I have a friend who was very influential in my life in High School. She is such a strong, influential woman whom I admire for her faith and testimony of grace overcoming tragedy, her strong work ethic, and dedication to working with and helping people. She has had three pregnancies, and three beautiful sons. The first two, however, had unrelated genetic diseases, and were stillborn before they reached full-term. She was given the only gift that helped at the time, remembrance photography of one of her angel sons. As I learned more about this ministry of free professional remembrance photography, called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," I also came across another ministry which gives the parents a box of items that may help during the situation. As I read about these two valuable and needed ministries, I was struck with a whole new appreciation for the breath in Jonah's lungs, and his little beating heart. Throughout the first two trimesters of my pregnancy, I was afraid to love him, to let myself get attached to this tiny precious person I couldn't see. I was scared he may not live, because it is more common than we think. However, the moment he was born and I held him, and then later got to look into his eyes, bluer than mine, I loved him so much more than I even thought possible. Every day I am amazed at how much I love him. I can look back at everything that happened on my birthday, and all throughout, my favorite parts are doing things with Jonah and my family. I did not know I could love someone on earth this much. I love him, and I pray for him and his health and future, but sometimes I forget to thank God that my fears did not come true. I forget to just say, "Thank you God for this baby right now, for every part of who he is right now, for his life." I was reminded that Jonah does not belong to me. Our children are not possessions. They are little gifts from God. Yes, they are gifts that come with a big responsibility, and sometimes we either beg for them or get surprised by them, but once they arrive, once they take that first breath, they still do not belong to us. Jonah is in my care while he is on earth. I suddenly became aware of the bigness, the amazing miracle, the neatness of this. I couldn't stop crying and thanking God.
At 1 a.m. I was sobbing and blowing my nose as I read through the heartbreaking stories of these moms who had to leave the hospital empty handed. I learned during our premarital counseling that true love is always sacrificial, and Jesus is the best example. Being a parent is definitely exhibiting true love because it means constantly making sacrifices, especially for mothers. Pregnancy itself means sacrificing a lot of the physical body- the way your body looks, feels, and functions for not just the nine months of pregnancy, but several months afterward as well. I cannot imagine the deep pain that sacrifice would bring if there was not life on the other side of giving birth. I read about a mother being asked, "What do you want the bury the baby in?" and her pain and indecision because she wanted to keep the only blanket in which she'd tenderly wrapped and held the baby, but she also wanted that blanket to go with baby. Can you imagine having to answer that question? My mind flipped across all of Jonah's blankets, the blue polka dots, the yellow with animals, the gray with sports monkeys, the striped green, the creamy Pooh bear, the list goes on and on, but I do not have two of any one blanket. I remember so carefully strapping Jonah into his carseat and then being pushed in a wheelchair, with him on my lap down the hall, holding my precious cargo. If your baby doesn't live, you don't take them home, and you leave the hospital with a huge burden of physical and emotional pain and empty arms. This one mother described being given a big stuffed bear to hold in that wheelchair ride down the hall, and how important and helpful it was to have something in her arms. These experiences caused her to create a ministry which gives parents of "Angels" a box including 2 identical blankets, so they don't have to choose to give away the only blanket that ever held their baby, and a big stuffed owl because their ministry is called "Owl Love You Forever." Then I found her blog and I was overjoyed to learn that she and her husband have recently been able to adopt a precious baby girl.
You can easily support these ministries right now. We spend so much money on things that don't matter in life, from cars, clothes, fancy coffee, make-up, movies, and all sorts of things that won't matter one bit to another soul. These ministries matter and they help. If you feel led to give to either or both of these ministries, PLEASE DO! Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Remembrance Photography has applied for a Chase Grant, and you can vote for this ministry in about 3 seconds flat for FREE on facebook by following this link:
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
You can donate a box, or one blanket, or buy a shirt at:
Owl Love You Forever
You can definitely pray for both of them, "Like" them on facebook, read more about them, and pray for parents of Angels. My birthday gift from God this year was a true appreciation for the life of our little Jonah. I have not stopped glorifying God for him yet. After learning more about what these parents go through, I will never look at my child the same way again. I can't wait to adopt his future siblings as well. Twenty-seven feels soooooooooo good!
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My handsome husband John has also gotten quite good at being a sweetheart and spoiling me with kindness on my birthday. One of his favorite things to do is to be the first person to post "Happy Birthday" on my facebook wall with a sweet personal message. He stays up until midnight on purpose so that he can do this. I also really appreciate all of my facebook friends saying "Happy Birthday" and other kind little posts! It was quite nice to look over at my phone and see 4 or 5 new birthday wishes every time I picked it up. I haven't seen some of these facebook friends in years, and I see others all the time. I am always torn on whether to "Like" each post, or to go to each person's wall and write a specific "Thank you," or to just post my status saying "Thank you to everyone..." So, this year, I decided to include all of you in this blog and say it this way: Thank you so much for taking the time to say 'Happy Birthday' to me yesterday! I really appreciate it! As I am going to go back and post this blog link with a thank you on your wall, I am going to pray for you. I am praying for your faith and your family. I will be praying that your faith be in Jesus Christ, and that you will remember to follow Him daily, even when it is difficult. I will be praying that your family have peaceful relationships, whether you are a husband, wife, parent, a sister, brother, son, or daughter, I pray you stay committed to loving your family and showing it with your actions, even when they don't deserve it and you don't feel like it. I hope you have a blessed day! If I forget to say 'Happy Birthday' to you on facebook, please forgive me, I don't always check it every day. If you are here from facebook, and we haven't talked in a long time, I would love to catch up with you! Feel free to read through the blog posts and you'll be plenty caught up on my life. If you have a blog, I'd love to read yours too, or feel free to send me a message!
Well, I had a wonderful birthday this year! The following account is one of my favorite (albeit selfish) ways to spend 24 hours. The night before, John and I got to go out on a date for the first time in over a month. We are so blessed to have good in-laws! John and I both get along very well with each others' families, and so this time Nana (John's mom) watched the baby. We had sushi and went to a movie, and it was good to be alone with no kids. That night Jonah slept his regular lovely little 7 hour stretch, woke up to eat, then went back to sleep for 2 more hours, which gave me enough sleep as well. The next time we got up, baby ate and then I enjoyed some exercise. I am trying to shed my last 5 pounds of baby weight, and get back to being able to easily run a 10-minute mile. I ran two miles in 25 minutes, then used dumbbells to get in some solid upper body strength time followed by plenty of yoga stretches. During the run, Jonah sat in his little bouncy play seat next to the treadmill and watched me while pulling on the hanging monkey and toucan. He got fussy toward the end, and so went down for his nap while I finished working out. I made one of my favorite breakfasts consisting of a peanut butter and jelly waffle sandwich with a sliced apple and more peanut butter to dip the apple in, and a full mug of cold organic vanilla soy milk. I finished this nutritious and delicious meal and fed the baby again. (He eats every 3 hours during the day, so he kind of punctuates the time). Then I got to go and be totally lazy, floating around Nana's pool for just over an hour. I love pool floating because it's so good to feel softly baked by the sun while praying to the God who put it there. I came in and John said, "Whoa, you've got some freckles there!" When I was in first grade in South Dakota, a little boy told me that freckles were actually angel kisses. From then on I have cherished my freckles in the summer when they emerge. I smiled, took a shower, and got ready. I fed the baby and we left to go to town for my birthday dinner.
We met my parents, brothers, John's parents, his sister and nephews to eat. We started at Red Lobster. However, the wait was going to be an hour and a half for a party of 12, so we went to Shogun instead, one of the cool Asian restaurants where they cook the meal right in front of you on a huge griddle-type thing. I enjoy spending time with both of our families together. They all pass Jonah around for his big smiles and baby talk and sweetness. I love the way he makes everyone happy, so I try to be good about sharing him as much as possible. When the chef man made concentric circles in oil on the hot griddle and then used a lighter to set it on fire, Jonah freaked out, poor baby! I watched his little face go from shock, eyes wide, a little jump and his arms shake, to horror, his eyes squint and his bottom lip pokes way out, to a very loud, frightened wailing with his little hands in tight fists and his eyes squeezed shut almost as if he was scared to see it again. He doesn't cry very often anymore, so it is very pitiful and he gets lots of cuddles when he does. He calmed down though, and went to sleep after much vigorous car-seat rocking by his Nana and Daddy, and then I kept rocking him to keep him asleep on the floor beside us. We left at sunset, and stopped to pick up a few redbox DVDs on the way home. Jonah was awake soon after we got to my parents' house, and I let my mom, 'Katy Nana' feed him a bottle so he won't forget how to take one. John watched an action filled man-movie with my dad and brother in the living room while mom and I watched The Lorax in my room. I fell asleep and woke up later to feed Jonah. It was a wonderful birthday. The whole lovely day, in the back of my mind, was my present from God I had received earlier than usual, at 1 a.m. that morning, while I was playing around on facebook after feeding Jonah.
I have a friend who was very influential in my life in High School. She is such a strong, influential woman whom I admire for her faith and testimony of grace overcoming tragedy, her strong work ethic, and dedication to working with and helping people. She has had three pregnancies, and three beautiful sons. The first two, however, had unrelated genetic diseases, and were stillborn before they reached full-term. She was given the only gift that helped at the time, remembrance photography of one of her angel sons. As I learned more about this ministry of free professional remembrance photography, called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," I also came across another ministry which gives the parents a box of items that may help during the situation. As I read about these two valuable and needed ministries, I was struck with a whole new appreciation for the breath in Jonah's lungs, and his little beating heart. Throughout the first two trimesters of my pregnancy, I was afraid to love him, to let myself get attached to this tiny precious person I couldn't see. I was scared he may not live, because it is more common than we think. However, the moment he was born and I held him, and then later got to look into his eyes, bluer than mine, I loved him so much more than I even thought possible. Every day I am amazed at how much I love him. I can look back at everything that happened on my birthday, and all throughout, my favorite parts are doing things with Jonah and my family. I did not know I could love someone on earth this much. I love him, and I pray for him and his health and future, but sometimes I forget to thank God that my fears did not come true. I forget to just say, "Thank you God for this baby right now, for every part of who he is right now, for his life." I was reminded that Jonah does not belong to me. Our children are not possessions. They are little gifts from God. Yes, they are gifts that come with a big responsibility, and sometimes we either beg for them or get surprised by them, but once they arrive, once they take that first breath, they still do not belong to us. Jonah is in my care while he is on earth. I suddenly became aware of the bigness, the amazing miracle, the neatness of this. I couldn't stop crying and thanking God.
At 1 a.m. I was sobbing and blowing my nose as I read through the heartbreaking stories of these moms who had to leave the hospital empty handed. I learned during our premarital counseling that true love is always sacrificial, and Jesus is the best example. Being a parent is definitely exhibiting true love because it means constantly making sacrifices, especially for mothers. Pregnancy itself means sacrificing a lot of the physical body- the way your body looks, feels, and functions for not just the nine months of pregnancy, but several months afterward as well. I cannot imagine the deep pain that sacrifice would bring if there was not life on the other side of giving birth. I read about a mother being asked, "What do you want the bury the baby in?" and her pain and indecision because she wanted to keep the only blanket in which she'd tenderly wrapped and held the baby, but she also wanted that blanket to go with baby. Can you imagine having to answer that question? My mind flipped across all of Jonah's blankets, the blue polka dots, the yellow with animals, the gray with sports monkeys, the striped green, the creamy Pooh bear, the list goes on and on, but I do not have two of any one blanket. I remember so carefully strapping Jonah into his carseat and then being pushed in a wheelchair, with him on my lap down the hall, holding my precious cargo. If your baby doesn't live, you don't take them home, and you leave the hospital with a huge burden of physical and emotional pain and empty arms. This one mother described being given a big stuffed bear to hold in that wheelchair ride down the hall, and how important and helpful it was to have something in her arms. These experiences caused her to create a ministry which gives parents of "Angels" a box including 2 identical blankets, so they don't have to choose to give away the only blanket that ever held their baby, and a big stuffed owl because their ministry is called "Owl Love You Forever." Then I found her blog and I was overjoyed to learn that she and her husband have recently been able to adopt a precious baby girl.
You can easily support these ministries right now. We spend so much money on things that don't matter in life, from cars, clothes, fancy coffee, make-up, movies, and all sorts of things that won't matter one bit to another soul. These ministries matter and they help. If you feel led to give to either or both of these ministries, PLEASE DO! Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Remembrance Photography has applied for a Chase Grant, and you can vote for this ministry in about 3 seconds flat for FREE on facebook by following this link:
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
You can donate a box, or one blanket, or buy a shirt at:
Owl Love You Forever
You can definitely pray for both of them, "Like" them on facebook, read more about them, and pray for parents of Angels. My birthday gift from God this year was a true appreciation for the life of our little Jonah. I have not stopped glorifying God for him yet. After learning more about what these parents go through, I will never look at my child the same way again. I can't wait to adopt his future siblings as well. Twenty-seven feels soooooooooo good!
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On the way to Birthday dinner, all dressed up and smiling
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He only cuddles when he's asleep, but it still feels good
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Bedtime self-take fun, he was amazed at seeing us on the phone
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Wonderings of This Future House Parent
It has been 8 days since we said "Good-bye" to the girls, and I can praise God in saying that we are healing. Today I began to imagine what our new life in full-time ministry will be like. John and I are going to be House Parents (HP). We will live in a long ranch-style house with a dividing wall down the middle. On one side of the house lives a set of HPs and up to 6 boys, and on the other side lives a set of HPs and up to 6 girls. We asked for the girl side just because I am a little nervous about parenting teenage boys. The children they accept are ages 2-18. There is one large kitchen in the middle that we will share and alternate meal preparation daily. Both sets of HPs will work 10 days on and 5 days off, and another set of "Relief Parents" will come and live on the side of the house where the HPs are "off." We are praying for the other two sets of parents, that they would also feel joyfully called to this ministry, and we can develop a good friendship and working relationship since we all basically have to live and work together closely. The house is mostly furnished and ready for everyone to move in as soon as our background checks come back clear.
Today I have been daydreaming about the girls we will soon meet. I find myself wondering if we will get a little kindergartener with long hair I can brush and put in two french braids with big ribbons and find her cute sandals and sundresses. I wonder if we will get a first or second grader who I can help learn to read and love learning. I wonder if we will get a middle schooler who likes to read and cook with me. I wonder if we will get a teenager or two who will welcome help with make-up and nail polish and shopping. I wonder if they will be young enough to enjoy us coming to eat lunch with them at school or if they will be too old and not want to even been seen with us. I wonder if they will resent us for temporarily replacing their parents and how we can overcome that. I wonder how much pain these girls will have in their suitcases along with their toothbrushes and clothes. I wonder if they will be open to affection and love or closed off at first, needing to learn to trust again. I wonder if they will be sad and depressed and try to uphold walls to keep us out when we all we want to do is help. I wonder if they will like us. I am praying for them and their current situations. For some reason, they will soon end up in our care. I am praying we will have the words to say and the wisdom to do what will be best for them. I am hoping we can do this the way God wants us to and parent with patience, kindness, gentleness, and love with boundaries. I am so excited to be a partner with my husband in this ministry and I am thankful for the road that God has led us on to this point.
John and I had been dating maybe a month when he was moving out of his apartment and into his mom's old house. I was helping him pack when I came across a photo album on a bookshelf. "Can I look in this?" He glanced over, "Sure. It's mostly pictures from my mission trip to the Philippines." I looked through pictures of John when he still had a little hair on top of his head along with children who had beautiful chocolate eyes and silky black hair around honey colored skin. My heart started to love this guy. Then he came over and found one picture and pointed to it, "Those little girls are orphans, and I wanted so bad to bring them home with me. They throw away little girls like trash over there." He got up and packed another box as I continued to flip the pages of the photo album. He was walking out of the room when he stopped and looked over at me and said in a sort of an I-Dare-You-To-Question-This type of voice: "You know I'm going to adopt a little girl some day right? Are you okay with that?" My heart and face smiled. "Yeah, I want to adopt too. I've always felt really strongly about the AIDs orphans in Africa, but I think I could adopt from anywhere." John nodded. "Okay." We kept packing, moving, and falling in love.
After being foster parents and loving the kids we were blessed to work with, we decided we'd be happy to do a domestic or foreign adoption. We thought we were going to get the last girls, but God has other plans for them. This leaves us back to wondering where we will get our adopted kids from, but trusting we will know when the time is right. For now we know we can keep Jonah, and we know we will have up to six girls at a time when we move to Mississippi. We have to remember why we are doing this.
I found this quote on a friend's facebook note and felt like it fit this post:
“God is on mission, and we, in that wonderful phrase of Paul, are ‘co-workers with God.’ This God-centered refocusing of mission turns inside-out our obsession with mission plans, agendas, goals, strategies, and grand schemes. We ask, ‘Where does God fit into the story of my life?’ when the real question is, ‘Where does my little life fit into the great story of God's mission?’…I may wonder what kind of mission God has for me, when I should ask what kind of me God wants for his mission.” (Christopher J. H. Wright)
Today I have been daydreaming about the girls we will soon meet. I find myself wondering if we will get a little kindergartener with long hair I can brush and put in two french braids with big ribbons and find her cute sandals and sundresses. I wonder if we will get a first or second grader who I can help learn to read and love learning. I wonder if we will get a middle schooler who likes to read and cook with me. I wonder if we will get a teenager or two who will welcome help with make-up and nail polish and shopping. I wonder if they will be young enough to enjoy us coming to eat lunch with them at school or if they will be too old and not want to even been seen with us. I wonder if they will resent us for temporarily replacing their parents and how we can overcome that. I wonder how much pain these girls will have in their suitcases along with their toothbrushes and clothes. I wonder if they will be open to affection and love or closed off at first, needing to learn to trust again. I wonder if they will be sad and depressed and try to uphold walls to keep us out when we all we want to do is help. I wonder if they will like us. I am praying for them and their current situations. For some reason, they will soon end up in our care. I am praying we will have the words to say and the wisdom to do what will be best for them. I am hoping we can do this the way God wants us to and parent with patience, kindness, gentleness, and love with boundaries. I am so excited to be a partner with my husband in this ministry and I am thankful for the road that God has led us on to this point.
John and I had been dating maybe a month when he was moving out of his apartment and into his mom's old house. I was helping him pack when I came across a photo album on a bookshelf. "Can I look in this?" He glanced over, "Sure. It's mostly pictures from my mission trip to the Philippines." I looked through pictures of John when he still had a little hair on top of his head along with children who had beautiful chocolate eyes and silky black hair around honey colored skin. My heart started to love this guy. Then he came over and found one picture and pointed to it, "Those little girls are orphans, and I wanted so bad to bring them home with me. They throw away little girls like trash over there." He got up and packed another box as I continued to flip the pages of the photo album. He was walking out of the room when he stopped and looked over at me and said in a sort of an I-Dare-You-To-Question-This type of voice: "You know I'm going to adopt a little girl some day right? Are you okay with that?" My heart and face smiled. "Yeah, I want to adopt too. I've always felt really strongly about the AIDs orphans in Africa, but I think I could adopt from anywhere." John nodded. "Okay." We kept packing, moving, and falling in love.
After being foster parents and loving the kids we were blessed to work with, we decided we'd be happy to do a domestic or foreign adoption. We thought we were going to get the last girls, but God has other plans for them. This leaves us back to wondering where we will get our adopted kids from, but trusting we will know when the time is right. For now we know we can keep Jonah, and we know we will have up to six girls at a time when we move to Mississippi. We have to remember why we are doing this.
My favorite Bible passage has been Romans 12:1-2 since I was in High School:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
This passage makes me constantly stop and evaluate if I am appreciating God's mercy and grace and responding by living for Him.
John and I together like James 1:27 as sort of our mission verse right now:
27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
We don't claim to be perfect by any means, but we strive to not be hypocrites. We tell others how important orphan ministry is, and how little time is devoted to it in many modern churches, and so we actively try to do something about it. We are aware that not everyone is called to adopt or be foster parents or be house parents. However, everyone is called to help orphans in some way. We were so blessed by people at our church and in our seminary apartment complex in a variety of ways. When we first got our sibling group of 4 in July, the vehicle we had to transport them was a 2002 Dodge Durango with a broken air conditioner. I think we drove it like that for about a month, miserably with the windows down and everyone sweating, before people in our church anonymously paid to have the air conditioner fixed. What a blessing! One of the first things we needed - I needed - was to learn how to correctly do their hair. One lady from our church invited us over to her house, fed us a proper 4th of July picnic and proceeded to help me do all 3 of the little girls' hair in braids. When I was still struggling a week later with it, one of the teachers at my school came over to our house and showed me another way to section and plait their hair, also providing all the supplies needed. Some people helped us by offering to babysit, some gave us baby and kid clothes and supplies, some came over and just befriended us when we really need adult companionship. I wonder now if our experience as foster parents had not had so many people helping us along the way if we would have quit, and not at all listened to God's voice in leading us to be House Parents. I hope not, but I truly appreciate all of the people who helped us along the way. I know they helped keep us sane when some days we felt like we were going crazy.
Please continue to help by praying now for the kids we will soon have. Selfishly we are hoping they will be school-age because we are a little worn out from having babies, and we also want to be very involved in the girls' schools and classrooms, and if we get a toddler it will make it much harder to volunteer and help in older children's schools. Also pray for the other two sets of parents who are being hired to work with us, that we may be a team that works peacefully toward building a loving home for all the kids who enter. Pray about how God may be calling you to work with orphans in some way in your community.
“God is on mission, and we, in that wonderful phrase of Paul, are ‘co-workers with God.’ This God-centered refocusing of mission turns inside-out our obsession with mission plans, agendas, goals, strategies, and grand schemes. We ask, ‘Where does God fit into the story of my life?’ when the real question is, ‘Where does my little life fit into the great story of God's mission?’…I may wonder what kind of mission God has for me, when I should ask what kind of me God wants for his mission.” (Christopher J. H. Wright)
Friday, August 31, 2012
"Love, Dad"
My dad likes to talk. The phrase "Stranger Danger" means nothing to him. I constantly turn around in a restaurant or store to find him talking to strangers as if they care. His conversation ranges from random facts about my brothers and me to the weather, current events, or even their clothing. I have heard him tell a perfect stranger lady, "That's a nice blouse. My wife has one just like it!" Two nights ago John and I went to Newk's to eat with my parents and brother, and at the end of the meal my dad got up to get take home boxes. Ten minutes later we all wondered where he had gone and looked over to see him talking with someone. His mother once told a story about how when he was around 7 years old he walked down the road and befriended the elderly people who sat outside on their porches. A few times he brought them home with him for dinner, until she asked him to stop the random dinner guests. However, he talks much longer to people in person than on the phone, so I don't usually mind his phone conversations. He leaves funny voice mail messages if I don't answer. I'm not sure why my cute old dad leaves me voice mail messages as if I do not know he is the one calling from the fact that my phone tells me I've missed a call from him and I have a voice mail from him. Really, it's hilarious and I love it. Here's an example of one of his voice mails:
"Hi Kelly, it's Dad. I was just calling to check on you and see how you're doing. I haven't heard from you in a few days and I just wanted to hear about what's going on with you guys. How's Jonah? You always talk to Mom and I'm out of the loop, so anyways, call me when you get a chance. Okay, bye. Love, Dad."
This cracks me up every single time. I replay it back just to hear his cute little handwritten letter style ending "Love, Dad." It's adorable. I think if my dad was an old dude in church who didn't have a family, I would adopt him. He's got that lovable goofiness quality that just says like a lost puppy, "Take me home with you." But once you get him home you'll realize he eats a lot and talks a lot, and doesn't know when to leave. In his honor, I have written below an "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" copycat.
Now he's a grown man and all, and he's put on a few pounds since retiring from the Air Force, but I think he's cute in his own old chubby kind of way. He's cuddly like I'd imagine a pet polar bear might be. His hair is all silver and white now but he keeps a pretty good tan which makes his blue eyes stand out. When he laughs he has some sparkle to those eyes, even when he's laughing at his own jokes (which happens rather often). Back to our phone conversations. I call him back soon after hearing his little message and he goes through a little de-breifing about every member of our household. He proceeds to tell me all about my prodigal-son type brother's latest shenanigans and how upset he is about him, then on to his latest workplace desk rearranging and moving and happenings, and then on to how late my mother is working (she's a school nurse, and they get over worked, underpaid, and under-appreciated much like school teachers), and then tells me about my other brother's most recent sarcasm and awkward social interaction. I guess I should find all of this depressingly captivating and amazing, but the way he just sort of complains about it all makes me feel a little sorry for him. Yes, one brother makes ridiculously immature choices and decisions. Yes, Mom works hard. Yes, the other brother is funny with his weird anti-social quirks. No, we don't have to be upset about all of them. Sometimes it's OK to just say "It is what it is, and I love them all anyway." I know that's just how he is though, and I love him and his funny conversations. I know that when he worries about us it is his way of saying 'I love you.' I hope that as Jonah grows I can trust God and not worry about him (much).
Now, I have to say that this excessive talking is only one part of his personality. He is a giving, generous, loving, affectionate, complimentary, really sweet guy. He started giving me Valentine's Day cards and presents when I was 10 years old. He never forgets a holiday or birthday or a chance to show he cares. Today he treated my mom and me to a "spa day" complete with 'Aromatherapy Massage, Manicure, and Pedicure' for her birthday. He really is a wonderful dad, who just happens to have a little case of the chit-chats.
If you give a Ketchel a glance,
he may ask you how you're doing.
If you tell him you're doing just fine,
he will tell you about his family.
Even if you don't ask to see pictures,
he'll pull out his phone and show you some.
If you cross your arms and nod your head,
he will just keep talking.
If you happen to pass by him again later on,
he'll ask you how you've been since you last saw him.
If you ask any question at all,
he'll spend the next twelve to twenty minutes answering in detail.
If you ask him for help on something,
he will gladly try his best to hook you up.
If you give him your phone number,
he probably won't call you unless you're related.
But if he sees you in public,
he will be happy to stop everything to catch up.
If you ask him how he's doing,
he will spend a long time answering you.
If you stay there to listen to him,
he may ask you how you're doing.
I love my daddy!
"Hi Kelly, it's Dad. I was just calling to check on you and see how you're doing. I haven't heard from you in a few days and I just wanted to hear about what's going on with you guys. How's Jonah? You always talk to Mom and I'm out of the loop, so anyways, call me when you get a chance. Okay, bye. Love, Dad."
This cracks me up every single time. I replay it back just to hear his cute little handwritten letter style ending "Love, Dad." It's adorable. I think if my dad was an old dude in church who didn't have a family, I would adopt him. He's got that lovable goofiness quality that just says like a lost puppy, "Take me home with you." But once you get him home you'll realize he eats a lot and talks a lot, and doesn't know when to leave. In his honor, I have written below an "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" copycat.
Now he's a grown man and all, and he's put on a few pounds since retiring from the Air Force, but I think he's cute in his own old chubby kind of way. He's cuddly like I'd imagine a pet polar bear might be. His hair is all silver and white now but he keeps a pretty good tan which makes his blue eyes stand out. When he laughs he has some sparkle to those eyes, even when he's laughing at his own jokes (which happens rather often). Back to our phone conversations. I call him back soon after hearing his little message and he goes through a little de-breifing about every member of our household. He proceeds to tell me all about my prodigal-son type brother's latest shenanigans and how upset he is about him, then on to his latest workplace desk rearranging and moving and happenings, and then on to how late my mother is working (she's a school nurse, and they get over worked, underpaid, and under-appreciated much like school teachers), and then tells me about my other brother's most recent sarcasm and awkward social interaction. I guess I should find all of this depressingly captivating and amazing, but the way he just sort of complains about it all makes me feel a little sorry for him. Yes, one brother makes ridiculously immature choices and decisions. Yes, Mom works hard. Yes, the other brother is funny with his weird anti-social quirks. No, we don't have to be upset about all of them. Sometimes it's OK to just say "It is what it is, and I love them all anyway." I know that's just how he is though, and I love him and his funny conversations. I know that when he worries about us it is his way of saying 'I love you.' I hope that as Jonah grows I can trust God and not worry about him (much).
Now, I have to say that this excessive talking is only one part of his personality. He is a giving, generous, loving, affectionate, complimentary, really sweet guy. He started giving me Valentine's Day cards and presents when I was 10 years old. He never forgets a holiday or birthday or a chance to show he cares. Today he treated my mom and me to a "spa day" complete with 'Aromatherapy Massage, Manicure, and Pedicure' for her birthday. He really is a wonderful dad, who just happens to have a little case of the chit-chats.
If you give a Ketchel a glance,
he may ask you how you're doing.
If you tell him you're doing just fine,
he will tell you about his family.
Even if you don't ask to see pictures,
he'll pull out his phone and show you some.
If you cross your arms and nod your head,
he will just keep talking.
If you happen to pass by him again later on,
he'll ask you how you've been since you last saw him.
If you ask any question at all,
he'll spend the next twelve to twenty minutes answering in detail.
If you ask him for help on something,
he will gladly try his best to hook you up.
If you give him your phone number,
he probably won't call you unless you're related.
But if he sees you in public,
he will be happy to stop everything to catch up.
If you ask him how he's doing,
he will spend a long time answering you.
If you stay there to listen to him,
he may ask you how you're doing.
I love my daddy!
From my wedding day, October 4, 2008.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Car Accident 2 Years Ago
This is copied and pasted from the "Note" I wrote about it on facebook 3 weeks after it happened. I had to pass the wreck location every single day on the way to work for the next two years, and I can honestly say that I thought about that wreck and thanked God for saving me at least half of the time I passed it. Now that I won't pass it anymore I am keeping one of the pictures of my car and the name of the street sign on my phone to remind myself that I still have a purpose, or I very easily wouldn't be here.
I have to say on the front end of this, that since I am alive, much of this will be about Jesus, whom I am certain saved my soul, and positive saved my life in this body for a purpose about 3 weeks ago.
I am a first grade teacher and I love my job. I love children because that's just how God made me. I love teaching, and I believe it is one of the gifts God created me to use for His glory. I was on my way to work Monday morning, September 13, 2010. I had a typical morning where I get up at 5:30 to make my instant coffee and read my Bible and pray before I take a shower and get ready for work. I wore a cute sundress with sweater and sandals, and drove an adorable turquoise 2007 Toyota Yaris. This car was my very first totally bought and paid for all-by-myself car, in my favorite color, and small enough to park easily anywhere I wanted and make u-turns at the drop of a hat, all using on average 28mpg. I was not even half-way to my school when I was traveling South on a 6 lane road, and a 17 year old girl was traveling North. She needed to take a left turn in front of me to go West down the small intersecting road to her school. The traffic light was yellow for both of us. That is the last thing I remember. "Oh the light just turned yellow. I can make that."
Approximately 30 minutes later I remember staring up at a woman in a blue uniform who was talking calmly and hooking me up to things. My husband John, was calling my name, "Kelly, Kelly, hey, hey, wake up." I remember feeling confused and trapped and sleepy. Someone told me I was in a car accident. I remember telling the ambulance lady, "I thank God for you." I think she said, "I thank God for you!" I was in and out of consciousness on the way to the hospital, and do not remember the ambulance ride, or being taken inside. The next thing I clearly remember is laying in the hospital with John sitting next to me. The back of my head hurt because I was strapped down to a hard, plastic orange stretcher. I think I said, "Well this sucks. I had a lot to do today." It's funny, now. I feel like God was saying, "This will make you stronger. You have a lot to do with your life still."
Because several kind people witnessed the accident and stopped to check on me, I can tell you what happened in the middle of the intersection. Her Lexus SUV thing hit my car mostly on the front, more toward the driver side. I was going about 50mph, she had to be doing almost the same. My air bag immediately deployed, and apparently knocked me unconscious and cut my lip. My car spun several times before going off the road, down a short grassy embankment and landing in a parking lot. I miraculously did not hit any of the 4 large concrete poles that my car went in between. I miraculously did not break a single bone in my body. I miraculously was able to tell whoever opened my car door first "I am a teacher. Call my school. My kids need me. Please make sure my kids have someone. Call my school." As an after thought, I told someone to call my husband. I kept passing out in between phone calls. Someone kindly called 911 and the police and ambulance were there quickly. Later a witness e-mailed me, and when I told her I thought I was knocked out she said, "Yes, I'm sure you were knocked out. I saw your head bouncing around in there a lot." I guess as the car spun, my head just flopped from side to side. The car was totaled. Our insurance sent us a nice fat check for the car. Another lady called to check on me and said that she had stopped and prayed with me. I am so thankful for these helpful people I don't remember.
In the hospital they took many x-rays. I passed out getting x-rays. They tried to give me pain medicine through an IV, but then discovered the IV was not in my vein, because it burned and hurt as she pushed the stuff in and I almost screamed at her. So she tried it with saline and it did the same thing, so she gave up and took the IV out. I cried some when they wouldn't take me off the orange stretcher because it was hurting the back of my head. When I got off of it, I could start to feel my back and neck hurting. My legs had big bruises from where the front of my car had literally caved in on me. My right hip had a large abrasion from the seat-belt. I didn't know seat-belts could cut you through 3 layers of clothing, but they can. My chest hurt, and I realized in the hospital that I was not going to be able to go back to work the next day. I also realized that I really want to have kids.
In the days to follow the accident, John had to help me do almost everything because the back and neck pain made me very immobile and weak. Immediately my school family reached out and was sending me kind, positive, encouraging e-mails, they brought us dinner every night the first week. It was close to a miracle that I got my job. Now I knew that god had put me in such an awesome school because they could take care of my class while I was gone, and I didn't have to worry. I was standing up so much at home because it hurt my back to sit down, that I went to school that Thursday, and walked around very slowly, and regretted being there by the end of the day when my neck and back hurt so bad. I went to a doctor the next day and he gave me pain medicine. Lortab became my new best friend. I went to a chiropractor and they did all sorts of tests and x-rays to tell me that my back and neck were probably hurting a lot. Then they "adjusted" me, which really just means, push down hard on my back to pop it, and turn my head to pop my neck. It all felt good. They gave me ice packs and told me to ice the neck and back for 20 minutes every hour. It helped some. I was able to go back to work on Monday, one week after the accident, for the whole week.
I had never been afraid of anything in my life. The first two weeks after the accident, I had an intense fear of driving. I fought back tears all the way to work, and slammed on my brakes at every yellow light. I waited until almost no one was coming, and got honked at several times. I had to repeat frequently, "The Lord is my protector, He is my healer, He is my strength. Fear is not of the Lord. " I hated driving. I was in John's Altima, which is only a little bigger than my Yaris. Thankfully, this summer we had kind of been given a car, an 02 Dodge Durango with a broken air conditioner. John's helpful dad brought the Durango up from Alabama. The Durango is an SUV, and I immediately fell in love with the bigger, safer feeling I got behind the wheel of that car. But it's older, and it's big, and the doors are very heavy to pull shut. I decided to go off of my lortabs to see how my body still felt. This last Sunday and Monday I took no pills. That Monday, when I left school, my back and neck hurt pretty badly. In God's divine set up, one of our lovely first grade teachers is married to a lawyer, who actually used to handle accident and injury claims just like mine. They invited us over to talk about everything. It helped so much. We had so much more knowledge and peace of mind when we left. My back also hurt a lot. I made an appointment to see an orthopedic doctor. He prescribed me a steroid pack and a new pain killer that is not a narcotic. I am feeling much better. I get to go to physical therapy next week.
Monday night I was able to go to the seminary's wives class that I had been going to, but had missed the Monday of the wreck and then missed the next Monday because I was doing make-up Parent teacher conferences. In that class I was given exactly the verses I needed.
2 Corinthians 1: 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
The speaker, a sweet young youth pastor's wife, explained how God lets us experience some hardships so that we can comfort those who go through similar things. I realized that I had never been able to understand fear, or serious pain, before this accident. Now, I feel like I can relate. Now, I feel like I have overcome. God has been with me every step of the way. I know my injuries, and whip lash pain are minor compared to the horrendous difficulties other people have, or I could have easily suffered form the extent of the accident. I feel like Jesus just carried me through this. My angels were all around me, protecting me, helping me.
Then, the verse that made me cry:
10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us
I realized, God saved me from a deadly wreck. He will save me from future danger. My hope is in Christ, because He will continue to deliver me from danger.
My fear has slowly dissipated since Monday. Today, Friday, almost 3 weeks from the accident, I can say that driving felt almost normal again. I have let this verse sink into me to relieve my fear. I had a great day at school today. We did a project that involved ice cream, so the kids had a great day too. :) My peace has finally returned. I have many, many people's prayers to thank. I am so grateful for the help and support and encouragement I have received from my husband and from my coworkers and a few new friends.
God saved me for a purpose. Maybe it was tell you that He loves you. Jesus Christ died for you.
He came to give you life, to give you a relationship with your creator. I love you. Jesus loves you more. I'm here, and I'm alive and well. Please know that any second, you can be living and breathing and planning your busy day, and then wake up in an ambulance. You could also wake up in heaven, or hell. Do you know where you would wake up if it wasn't earth? If you don't know for sure, then please please please please please, ask me, ask someone, about Jesus Christ, because He is the only one who can save you.
I would have gone to heaven, because I trust Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Where would you go if someone hit you tomorrow on your way to work?
My Car
The SUV that hit me
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