Holiday Wrap Up: House Parenting and Honea Travels

     We had a wonderful set of Winter Holidays with our kids.  In an effort to "stay in touch" with everyone but also provide a way for us to remember these times in our lives, I am trying to cover several things at once here, so please forgive me if it seems choppy.

     We still have the same sibling group we began with in October, and we are all getting to know each other quite well.  Some days feel like a struggle for us all.  As parents we feel ineffective and frustrated when confronted with the same attitudes and issues that we've been dealing with since the kids got here, some of which I think just comes along with parenting adolescents and teenagers, and some is specific to these individuals. I think as kids they sometimes feel isolated and alone without being close to home and their familiar friends, family, and lifestyle.  For many good reasons, primarily safety, kids who live here cannot have cell phones and free range on the computer or play on facebook.  Those are some of their biggest complaints, which we actually have no control over anyway, but we have to defend these issues frequently.  Most days we get along, talking and laughing amidst the daily routines and chores of cooking and cleaning.

     In October we went to a few different "Fall Festivals" the last week of October at some different local churches, and the kids had a great time.  I have to say, we did get some funny looks, and we did feel very awkward at times.  Most of the time though, at least one or two people came over and spoke with us the whole time and made us feel welcome.  The kids really enjoyed cake walks and bingo and free food and candy.  

     In November the kids got to go home for Thanksgiving and a few days after, but it wasn't a long enough break for us to do the big 5 hour drive back to Huntsville. John, Jonah and I stayed in Waynesboro and my parents and brother Kris came to visit and do Thanksgiving.  Our huge kitchen was so perfect for the big day of cooking.  Both ovens were constantly on and my mom and I had a good time talking and cooking.  It was a relief to not have to go to 4 different houses like we have before. One big meal and one set of yummy leftovers. 

     In early December John and I actually got several breaks!  We spent a little 3 day break down in Foley, AL and the outlets doing some Christmas shopping and then tried to get a few pictures of Jonah at the beach.  He was tired and it was a little chilly, so he wasn't really loving it.

It's so bright!

Yay Mommy!

This sand stuff is gross.

     Several local churches brought the kids here Christmas presents and gift cards.  Two churches came over and threw parties at our house.  The Harley motorcycle group threw a big party in Jackson for the whole organization and each kid got about $150 spent on them there alone.  A church a few hours north of us threw another party that John took the older kids to while I stayed home with the babies.  It just didn't make sense to make the little ones take a 3 hour car ride for a party they wouldn't understand and then probably make everyone else miserable on the 3 hour ride home and get totally off their schedules.  However, the older kids really enjoyed it.  Some businesses and individuals brought food items needed for us to have a nice Christmas Dinner plus many meats (we have 4 large hams, 3 turkeys, and several pounds of sausage in our meat freezer).  Friday the 21st of December, six different people brought over Christmas gifts and/or food items for the cottage.  One group even brought a little gift for Jonah.  I spent all day Saturday the 22nd cooking, and yet we had fewer items than it seemed like I had put in the time for.  We had a whole baked chicken, a spiral sliced brown sugar honey ham, green bean casserole, macaroni and cheese, baked carrots and celery, biscuits, gravy, strawberry pretzel salad, and cake.  I felt like I had accomplished a lot at the time, all by myself.  The kids seemed to like it.  They each got more than they asked for on all of their wish lists, plus several gift cards to go buy their choice of items. 

     John, Jonah, and I spent our next breaks in Huntsville visiting family and friends.  Our kids here got to go home for Christmas and a few days, and John and I didn't come back on duty until the 31st.  We were both a little sick the 22, (I wrote about that Sunday here: Christmas from Revelation sermon post)23, and 24th, so we were a little slower leaving the morning of the 24th than we had hoped, but we both desperately needed the rest.  We drove to Huntsville that day and spent Christmas Eve with my family.  My parents of course doted on and over-gifted little Jonah and got John and I several lovely gifts.  Christmas morning we got up and drove over to John's mom's house where we stayed the next few days.  They spoiled Jonah with several large fun toys and more attention than he's used to getting here.  Both of our parents blessed us beyond what we needed or deserved.  They are generous and we are blessed.

My sweet little elf

Mommy Baby Love

Caught red-handed - at being cute that is!

Little Rudolph

These were all taken just after Thanksgiving.

This is Christmas Day - in a month he got a little fatter! :) 

     The evening of the 26th we went over to our dear friends the Neely's for a Christmas dinner time with them and another couple.  It was fun to spend time with other Christian parents.  It was also good to see a couple who are pursuing adoption and to see their preparations and soon to be homecoming of their twin babies from Africa!  You can read all about (and donate if you so feel led, they can use any amount to help with adoption funds and travel expenses) the sweet family here at their blog: The Neelys They are very inspirational people. This is one of my favorite pictures of them:

    The evening of Thursday the 27th Jonah and I spent the night at my parents so we could get up fairly early Friday morning to go to Clarksville to see some friends and family.  My mom and family made it a little Baby Shower/Tea Party for Jonah and I.  Back when I was pregnant and living in Memphis, my feet began to swell pretty badly after coming home from my Huntsville baby shower on Spring break in March, so we did no more long trips after that.  Then, Jonah was born in May, and my wonderful Granny Em went to be with the Lord when he was 10 days old.  Some day soon I will write a post or two all about her.  Right now the pain is still very fresh and I just haven't felt like crying that much in one sitting.  So anyway, that side of my family didn't really have the opportunity to celebrate Jonah's birth.  Besides, he didn't even wear some of his 0-3 month clothes because he had so many, so a baby shower at 7 months was perfect timing!  It was so good to see some of my friends and family! A teacher friend I worked with has a sweet baby boy only 6 days younger than Jonah and we had a few hours to catch up and talk about baby stuff.  It was nice to see a friend.  Somehow, John and I haven't made any real friends down here, and it is beginning to get lonely.  Then I got to see my dear Granddaddy and some sweet aunts and cousins and an uncle.  My cousin had a little boy in February, and he and Jonah were checking each other out.  She got them cute little matching outfits! It's fun to see Jonah enjoy other babies so much.  Jonah was great, and stayed sweet for people to pass him around until we left that evening.  It rained all the way back to Huntsville, and Jonah woke up and cried loudly the last twenty minutes straight.

Granddaddy Jim and Jonah

Granddaddy's hands helping Jonah stand

Cousins! 

      The morning of the 29th we met John and his dad in Huntsville and ate lunch out then spent the rest of the next few days at his mom's house hanging out and relaxing with family.  We left the morning of the 31st and drove back here to our new home in Mississippi.  Whew! So much driving! A sweet family here invited everyone over for a New Year's Eve party with fireworks, but we thought the babies should stay home and go to sleep on their schedule, so we stayed with them and our relief parents took the older kids to the party.  They had a bunch of fun, and actually came home around 11pm, so we let them stay up till midnight and drank Sparkling Welch's Grape Juice to toast. Haha! I wrote about my thoughts on New Year's here: New Year's Resolution and we stayed home with the kids for a few days doing projects around the house, which I am going to write about a little later as I actually complete the ones we started.

     Jonah and the other baby are in this great stage where they are beginning to sort of play together.  He is almost crawling.  He goes backward on his knees, and can pivot and turn in any direction, but can't figure out how to go forward.  It's rather comical because he's not trying to go backward at all, and his eyes are looking at something directly ahead that he cannot reach while he moves in the opposite direction.  The other baby is older and just began walking, but is smaller in stature and weight than Jonah. We can sit with them and let them explore each others' hands and give hugs and share toys.  Occasionally they still try to pluck each others' pretty little eyes out, but it is becoming much less common than it used to be.  They both babble constantly with lots of consonant sounds, 'ma, da, ga, la, ya,' are the most common, and most recently 'ba'.   Jonah does "Hey Da!" quite often and sounds like he is calling John, but then he just says it to everyone.  They both love music and singing and dancing, and if they are in a good mood they can be entertained by sitting in their high chairs with a teething ring, a sippy cup, and some puffs. This is great for us when we need to accomplish something and can't sit or play or chase them.  They also both have little walkers, and although Jonah hasn't figured out to walk in his yet, he seems to enjoy hanging out in it.  Like all babies, they'd both rather play with things like empty boxes, clean or dirty diapers, tissues, TV remotes, laundry baskets full of folded clothes, and cell phones than play with their own baby toys.  We constantly play the "Oh no, baby, you can't eat that (something crazy)" game.  

     School started back in full swing last week with our regular schedule, complete with older kids' science fair projects, and younger kids' spelling words. For now there is no break or relief in sight for us since one of the relief parents quit and the other was moved to a different campus (it was two friends, not a couple).  So please continue to pray for more house parents to be called to this job and get hired quickly!  We still feel called to this ministry, but it's definitely not what we expected when we were hired.  We feel confident that God will continue to equip us to do anything for His glory, and we know we are growing stronger in our faith from this experience.  Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement.  

Party of 2 becomes Family of 6

     July of 2011, two social workers brought these kids because they had two kids in each car.  They followed each other and pulled in to our apartment within minutes of us walking in the door from camp.   (see Camp - the post that would come before this in order of time) We were greeted by a jabbering, curious, bouncing-off-the-walls little boy, who asked lots of questions and picked up anything he could reach to touch and examine it.  His three little sisters were only slightly less invasive, with high pitch little southern drawling voices we could barely understand.  The baby was the most surprising.  She was 14 months old, but so skinny and little with huge doe eyes, and seemed lazy because of her lack of movement.  We had not had much experience with babies except for Miss Adorable 2 weeks earlier, so we actually had no idea how little/malnourished she truly was.  Now that Jonah is 7 months old and weighs around 20 pounds, it is shocking to think she was twice his age and weighted far less.  14 months old and 14 pounds heavy is bad.  The kids walked in with the clothes on their backs and nothing else.  We fed them cereal around the coffee table and tried to figure out how to pronounce their names.  I have changed their names slightly here for some privacy.  Their names in order, were something a little like this, but more home-spun: Tomarious (called Tom), Tasha, Tessa, and Taysha. They did not ask about their parents, and happily explored our apartment and climbed all over us. This was that first night:

Left to Right : Tom, John and Tessa, Tasha

Taysha - 14 months and 14 pounds, clinically diagnosed as "Failure to Thrive"

     Going from 0 children to 4 is a little more difficult than I expected.  I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that I have an eternally optimistic and positive attitude about huge life undertakings that most other people scoff, shake their heads, look disturbed, and say, "Bless Your Heart" about, but this was one of them.  Before the kids showed up I was like bouncing off the walls excited to meet them.  This "wildly thrilled about it-can-do attitude - where do I sign up!!!???" applies to all of the following events in my life thus far:

1. Becoming a Teacher
2. Getting Married during Student Teaching
3. Moving to Memphis for John to go to Seminary
3. Becoming Foster Parents
4. Deciding to continue to be a Foster Parent while Pregnant
5. Giving birth Naturally with No Epidural
6. Becoming House Parents

Each time I have been crazy excited about one of the above events, totally trusting God to get us through it, only to be met by serious negativity by a considerable amount of other people around me. This was no different.  Here's what many conversations sounded like,

Me: "We have 4 foster kids."
Other People: "Are you CRAZY!?"
Me: "No, there's a really big need for foster parents here, with over 1000 children in foster care every single day."
Other People: "But 4 kids! How old are they?"
Me: "1, 2, 3, and 5, and they're really good kids."
OP: "Wow! You have your hand's full!"
M: "All the time!"

-Really - telling someone - anyone - especially a parent of more than one child "You have your hands full," is a VERY ANNOYING UNDERSTATEMENT!!! Yes, our hands are full.  Yes, we are extremely busy.  Yes, we have almost no spare time.  Yes, our lives consist of cooking and cleaning for small humans constantly.  No, I don't need you to tell me. However, I was still surprised how strangers everywhere acted like they were paying us a complement by saying this little gem of a cliche phrase "You have your hands full," sometimes multiple times within a short amount of time/space. This happened so very often last year that I realized I was clenching my jaw when people said it. Please instead say something HELPFUL or ENCOURAGING, like, "You are doing a good job, they all have their shoes on today." or "I can tell you are a good mom because there's spit-up on your shirt." or "I like the way you dressed them all in matching colors." or even, "It will get better as they get older." - So many people say mean things like, "It only gets worse!" Just please don't say "You have your hands full." Okay, off that soap box.-

     SO, all 4 kids are crowding around us constantly, exploring the house, following us, trying to figure out what's happening, and we realize it's like 10pm and we have little kids who should obviously be in bed!  The rooms are all ready, and we announce, "OK it's bedtime!" Crying ensued.  All three older kids burst into tears.  John and I look at each other.  He may have said something like, "This was your idea." (lol!)  I remember we just kind of held them and said "Aww it's OK, it's just bedtime, you have to get good sleep! Here, we'll sing to you."  After we had changed them all into some PJs, the John-and-Kelly Bedtime Concert began.  I call it that because we had no idea how long it should last, and for some odd reason we felt that we should sing until they all fell asleep.  For about 3 weeks we put on this little throat-exhausting 20-40 minute show, before we decided there had to be a song limit and then we turned on a children's music CD. Ahhhhh, the sweet relief of walking out of their room at bedtime! Tom stopped crying at bedtime when he realized there was nothing to be upset about if we were making them all go to bed at the same time.  Tasha always hated bedtime, and often threw such a screaming tantrum that she had to spend some time in timeout alone while we got the other kids ready for bed.  Tessa didn't verbally resist bedtime, but would literally bang her head against her pillow for about half an hour before falling asleep.  Good thing those were some soft pillows!  We took turns rocking baby Taysha to sleep.  John adored rocking her to sleep on his shoulder.  They quickly developed a sweet bond.

     We got them, and it was 4th of July weekend.  I wanted to learn how to do their hair, and a sweet lady from our church volunteered to teach me a few things.  She showed me a lot about corn-rows though, and I struggled to teach my fingers to move between such thick hair so quickly.  A few weeks later one of the excellent teachers from my school actually came over to our apartment, bought all the supplies with her and taught me how to do sections and plaits.  I will forever be grateful to these two women for teaching me how to take care of the girls' hair.  I am still using those skills today! Here are a few pics from that first weekend:

Before Hair

After with Miss Princess 'Tasha'

     Becoming foster parents to a sibling group of four meant suddenly learning how to be parents.  We didn't get many breaks at all.  Thank goodness it was July and neither of us had to go to school (I taught first grade and John was in his second year of Seminary), so we had one month to figure out a lot of basics, and my mom was able to come and help (she's a school nurse so she was out of school too). Our house was quickly taken over by children's toys and furniture.  We were constantly cleaning up enormous amounts of bodily fluids.  Two kids in diapers and two kids having frequent potty accidents meant an enormous increase in:
1. Trash (as a couple we had about one bag every 5-7 days, now we had a full trash bag every single day which John had to carry to the dumpster),
2. Laundry (we managed to do our own laundry maybe once a week before - now we had to do at least one load every day to stay on top of it), and
3. Awful Odors (seriously bad smells that often made us gag).

     However, having four kids under age 5 teaches you
1. Kids really do say the funniest things (how the word "lasagna" got turned into "bagina" that rhymes with human anatomy, we will never know), but Tom sure did love it when I cooked bagina!),
2. Jesus loves children for a reason (when they told us some of the horrific things they had gone through, our hearts melted at their lack of innocence), and
3. You really do turn into your parents at some point (I realized as I shook my finger at the babies and said "NO NO!" then began to say nonsense words like "I swanee" because it's not something you would be embarrassed of your child repeating.)

     We learned so much more from them than that, but I'll have to tell you later as it comes to me. They stayed with us for a wild, hectic six months.

Picture Courtesy of Hannah - showing off my mad hair skills, lol

Late August, 2011

Happy New Year!

2012 - The year of Babies! (This was Summer - Jonah was 6 weeks,  Girls were 8 months and 18 months)

     It's a little strange to think that 2012 is over.  What a long and busy year it was!  We began the year half-way through the pregnancy, I was gloriously enjoying the second trimester and teaching first grade. Then we got the 2 foster baby girls at the end of January, and learned how to take care of little babies. This was March/30 Weeks Pregnant:

The girls were 4 and 14 months old here.

 We had 2 big life events on May 18th - Jonah was born at 2pm and John graduated seminary at 7pm.

May 17th - having small contractions :) 

May 18th - having a baby boy :) 

 With lots of tears, we lost the baby girls in late August when we found out they were not adoptable, moved to Mississippi in late September, and have been House Parents ever since.  Jonah is already 7 months old! He has grown so quickly! We took him to the doctor recently and he weighed in at 20.8 pounds, and measured 29 inches long, so he is in the 95%ile for height and 73%ile for weight. Haha tall baby! No wonder he's in his 9 month clothes now.

Around 5 months, being sweet

Being difficult to photograph with his age blocks now.

My only resolution for 2013 is this:

Spend More Time on the Most Important People/Things

 This should result in spending more time in specific prayer, Bible reading, laughing, exercise, healthy eating, playing with kids more, and generally spending my time more wisely.  I don't feel as though I often necessarily waste time because I certainly do not watch much TV at all, it really annoys me.  I only "play" on my computer when I'm on break or the kids are all in bed, or when I am looking up recipes to cook dinner.  I only "play" on my phone while nursing and pumping.  "Play" is in air quotes because I spend most of my internet time reading other interesting blogs, catching up with friends on facebook, learning new things on pinterest, or about babies on a variety of baby websites. Yet I struggle to fit in time for things I love like daily devotions, exercise, being creative, and clearing the clutter from our living spaces.  I am going to try to figure out where the time goes and how to organize it more efficiently because I know that it will help my whole family.  I was very conscientious of time spent in the classroom, but I have not carried that over into parenting.  I am excited about trying to be more mindfully purposeful of the way I spend my time.  What are your plans for 2013?

     I felt this was an appropriate passage to end on:

Ecclesiastes 3

New Living Translation (NLT)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
² A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

Christmas from Revelation 12

John threw up twice Saturday morning but then worked busily the rest of the day and said he felt mostly better.  I woke up feeling very nauseous this Sunday morning - the 23rd of December.  He said he was still nauseous.  I desperately wanted to go to church.  I enjoy church almost always, no matter where we are.  I had missed the last time we were here in Mississippi because Jonah was getting sick and my hair dryer broke, and we have to attend First Baptist, and nappy wet hair and a sick baby just felt like a recipe for a really awful morning. That Sunday John took the rest of the kids.  Then we were on break the next Sunday at home in Huntsville and I missed church because we did not want Jonah to get passed around to a ton of people right in the height of the flu epidemic.  Honestly, we're not being crazy over protective. The flu outbreak was all over the news, with lots of nearby schools closing early for a few days because of the flu outbreak. Also, a random person in Zaxby's had commented on how cute Jonah was then said, "But keep him bundled up, there's a bad baby fever virus going around Huntsville right now! We took our daughter to the pediatrician for it yesterday and he said there was a big problem with it this week." Scary! So, I stayed home and surfed around Bible Gateway and some Christian blogs about family, marriage, and parenting, and played with Jonah.  This was the third Sunday I was about to miss church.  I couldn't do it.  I needed to hear a good message, and I wanted to sing Christmas songs, and pray with a body of believers again.  I ate a piece of toast and developed a real "Suck it up" attitude as I got ready for church feeling queasy, and trying to decide if John or I was feverish, contagious, or food poisoned, or what.  It's not easy to get a family of 7 out the door when the two adults feel like they might have to puke at any second, but somehow, against all of satan's little pansy schemes, we made it just in time to not spread any germs by socializing before service started. (We were about 5 minutes late for church, Sunday School at this point was not even feasible.)

When our new pastor down here put up that his scripture for his Christmas message was Revelation 12, I was pretty confused.  What about the story in Luke of Jesus' birth? However, I was blown away by his wonderful message of how Christ's birth was fought in the spiritual realm.  I tend to avoid Revelation because I have very limited knowledge of what it means.  I also know lots of Christians dispute the prophesies therein, even arguing about end times and such, which I really just don't care about because I am certain that my faith in Jesus Christ will result in me getting to heaven eventually, so whether there will be a rapture of the Christians first or not, I don't mind.  Therefore, I just typically don't read it much on my own other than to have it brought up in devotions, usually referring to the luke-warm/spit you out analogy.  This sermon changed my perspective though, because the pastor explained that some of Revelation is actually historic, not prophetic. Revelation 12 is just that.
     It depicts Christ's birth from the spiritual realm's perspective.  This is my favorite part which describes just after his birth:

⁷ Then there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his angels. ⁸ And the dragon lost the battle, and he and his angels were forced out of heaven. ⁹ This great dragon—the ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world—was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.

¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,

“It has come at last—
    salvation and power
and the Kingdom of our God,
    and the authority of his Christ.^[a]
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters^[b]
    has been thrown down to earth—
the one who accuses them
    before our God day and night.
¹¹ And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
    and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much
    that they were afraid to die.
¹² Therefore, rejoice, O heavens!
    And you who live in the heavens, rejoice!
But terror will come on the earth and the sea,
    for the devil has come down to you in great anger,
    knowing that he has little time.”

I love that "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony...He is filled with fury because he knows that his time is short. " Victory in Jesus my friends! Christmas was fought for us on a spiritual level, not just in a stable in Bethlehem here on earth, but in Heaven, and all around us. That is awesome! It reminds me of Max Lucado's book "Cosmic Christmas" which I read about 10 years ago and I haven't been able to find since. I just love imagining the glory of those Angels appearing to the shepherds, breaking the blackness of night to reveal the light of the world. How brilliant it must have been! Then "He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short." ("Filled with fury" is the NIV 1984 version for the end of verse 12). Satan is mad at us, and he is constantly trying to win the battles, although he has already lost the war. That is why we must: 

¹³ Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous.^[a] Be strong.

I also know that having my own little baby boy this year is making the magnificence of Jesus coming as a baby boy very real for me.  I am so thankful that God came to earth as a baby to be my Redeemer, my Savior. 

Merry Christmas!

Learning to Say "I Love You"

   
    I frequently find myself in the mindless act of parking-lot driving to keep the babies asleep while John runs in a store to get something that he expects will take about 20 minutes or less (hopefully).  I know this wastes gas and is not good for the environment.  However, two sleepy babies who need sleep take priority right now.  If you put the car into park and turn it off, then one or both of them always wakes up within 2-3 minutes.  These babies are on a pretty good schedule, and we try not to interrupt it, but sometimes the older kids and life events, and church disrupts that schedule, resulting in their nap time happening somewhere other than home.  I try to keep their naps as long as possible because it rewards us with happy, healthy babies. Back to my story, sometimes I am the only other person in the car with the sleeping babies because the kids are at school, but sometimes one or more of the older kids is with me.  I found myself in this situation a few nights ago.

     I sat with one of our girls in the car driving around the sleeping babies, while John ran into Wal-Mart with the boys.  I have to initiate conversation, and she answers shortly at first, then relaxes and opens up more and we have a good time of talking and sharing about Christmas.  I asked if she remembered learning that Santa wasn't real.  I shared the way I learned when a friend told me and I was in disbelief.  I asked if she had a favorite Christmas memory (sadly, she didn't).  I shared how my grandparents surprised us by showing up one day on Christmas morning when I was 16, and it was because they came to see my reaction first-hand when my parents give me my first car. We were both laughing and having a good time, driving so slowly in the dark, around the parking lot.  I felt God saying, "Tell her you love her." My flesh is not so obedient all the time, and I tried to ignore this at first, and just continue the conversation. "Tell me about what Christmas was like at your house." A few minutes later, I felt it again, "Tell her you love her."  I try to do the next best thing, and pay her a really good complement on her responsible and hard-working character and tell her I appreciate her.  She smiles and conversation continues.  It wasn't good enough (disobedience never is).  I am feeling very strongly that God is asking me to do this, and it's the third time within 15 minutes, and finally our conversation has a pause.  I did it. "I love you." I was surprised to hear back, a little quieter than her conversation tone, "I love you too." I had to blink back tears.  Then God said in my heart, the way he so wonderfully does, "I love you too." *Break through on obedience!* Thank goodness John and the boys were done, and they loaded back up right then, and the quiet moment was over, or I would have had to get some kleenex.

     I think I am very good at expressing love to my immediate family.  I do not struggle to tell John that I love him frequently.  It would be difficult to actually not croon it softly to Jonah all the time.  I tell my parents a lot, partly because it was the way I was raised.  Love was frequently spoken in our house.  I can at any time, stop and hear my parents' voices in my head saying, "I love you and I'm very proud of you."   As a foster parent to small children, it was easy to tell those little kids.  We actually started telling them, "I love you, and Jesus loves you too!" Until the 2 year old could say, "I love you," and we'd say, "I love you too.  Who else loves you?" and she'd say in her sweet little voice, "Cheezz-usss luff me."  However, as a House Parent now with older kids, I have felt God teaching me/coaxing me to tell them "I love you" too.  I do love them, so it shouldn't be hard.  However, they are much older, and they understand what it means, and I don't want them to think I am joking or being flippant, or even patronizing them.  It doesn't just roll off my tongue so easily in conversation or during transitions in the day.  I have been really praying about this, and trying to do better with it.  So far I have noticed that the younger the kids are, the easier it is for me to tell them I love you.  I also notice that I sometimes use it not so lovingly as a precursor to semi-bad news (i.e. "I love you, but you have GOT to stop humming that annoying song!"), and that is not how God wants me to say it either.  He wants the Romans 12 sincerity.  ⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

     I'm not sure when exactly I felt I needed to say it more.  I think it revolved around suddenly intensely feeling God tell me, "I love you," the more I engaged in mindful constant prayer.  I connect parenting with trying to show and share God's love.  So, if God is always telling me (us), his child(ren) that He loves me (us), I came to the realization that as a parent it is my responsibility to share my love with my kids just like God shares His love with me (us).  I strongly feel I am to share the words "I love you" not just with Jonah, but any kid who I am "parenting" in any sense of the word.

     When we first got married, John and I read "The Five Love Languages" (at the strong urging of my grandmother actually, who bought us the book), and we discovered that I am almost completely Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch oriented to feeling loved. To me the words "I love you" are so powerful.  I realize they may not be to everyone.  We are now on break (hence the time to write and read more blogs), but when we get back, I plan to give the kids the children's love languages quiz to find out how they most feel loved, and then make a plan of action to implement it.   I already try to cook and prepare foods they like.  We take them places they enjoy as often as possible when time and money permit us.  Whether or not they list Words of Affirmation as important, I know God is leading me to tell them more often.  Please pray for me on this one.  I know they desperately need to hear these valuable words from me more, and I'm not sure why I am having a difficult time genuinely saying them, but I want to be obedient, and I want to share love.  Please feel free to share ideas/thoughts on ways to make this easier/better!

(I am almost finished with the promised post about our set of 4 foster kids - I couldn't find the right pictures).

Before I Forget Them...

     I have been so busy lately with our "new" kids living at the Children's Village, that I had forgotten to stop and remember thank God, pray for, and blog about our "old" (very young, not age-old, but life's timeline old) kids.  I am going to write a few memory blogs before I get too bogged down with the last year of our lives and forget sweet moments from our time in Memphis as foster parents.  I am also still struggling with the horrific events of the CT Kindergarten massacre and I feel that paying honor to the children in my life will help to honor all children.  This was our first baby:

Miss Adorable

     My friend Hannah and I were starting a girls' Bible study for the summer, and this was actually our kick-off first meeting in June.  I had been cleaning and preparing our apartment in Seminary housing all day for the Middle and High School girls who began arriving right on time.  About 30 minutes before they were arriving, our social worker began calling and asking if we could take a baby, right now, they had no idea how long yet.  We said yes, didn't even have time to begin our Bible study, and then she arrived! I was so happy and excited and had no idea what to do with her.  I stood in front of between 15-20 girls holding this little 6 month old Hispanic baby girl in my arms, wondering what I should do.  Baby girl looked just as confused as I, but was sweetly not crying.  She had the cutest big brown eyes and fuzzy hair and dimples.  My personal Baby-child-health-related-question philosophy is: 'When in doubt, call your mother,' (she's a mommy of 3 and a nurse) so I did just that.  She recommended I try to give her a bottle and then just see how it goes.  We did and I just kept right on talking to those girls.  John ended up taking her over to a friend's house and playing with her there so I could finish the Bible study. 

Calling my mom

     We fell in love with her so fast! She slept through the night, easily fell into a schedule with her bottles, and ate up some baby food.  It was strange to suddenly have this little person we cared about so much. We loved every minute of her visit!

Deciding He Liked to Be a Daddy

     That same friend Hannah offered to take these great pictures of us together that Sunday after church:

     She was only with us for 6 days before going on to her forever family.  We cried the night before court, but then got there and met some nice people who obviously loved her and deserved to keep her.  They were able to adopt her and she is now part of their family. The social worker explained that her mother had left her with them to babysit her and then never come back when she was about a month old.  They had had her the last 5 months but couldn't get her social security number and have custody and get her medical treatment and things like that until they went through DCS (Department of Children's Services).  While DCS was investigating them and checking their home and making sure she would be safe, well fed, etc, she came and stayed with us.  They were so happy to get her back. You could tell she recognized them and played with them sweetly while she had looked mostly confused at us. We left court happy for her future.  It was our first baby good-bye, and it was not bad. My prayer for her now is that she be raised to know Jesus as her Lord and Savior, that she be kept safe, well-fed, and learning and growing to her full potential.

      We then spent two weeks with no kids, deciding we should definitely accept a sibling group of two next time since one kid was much easier than we expected.  We had previously planned to go to summer camp with our youth group at church, and John and I were both to drive a 15 passenger van and be the adult chaperones in a room with 6-8 teenagers each at Student Life Camp at the beach. We had to leave for camp on a Thursday.  The Wednesday before camp, the social worker called and asked us if we could accept a sibling group of 3 kids, and it really broke my heart to have to turn her down because we were about to be gone for a week.

     I resentfully went on that trip, but fell more deeply in love with God than ever before.  They had David Platt as the speaker, and he shared about his adoption experiences and was in the process of adopting his daughter while we were at camp.  He preached a phenomenal message on praying the Lord's Prayer to fit your life - as in "Hallowed Be Thy Name" (praises, glory to God for his goodness/greatness) becomes "Make Your Name Hallowed in My Life" (show the goodness, glory, greatness of God with our lives, ask God to use our lives to show His Name is Great to others).  I had always enjoyed praying the Lord's prayer, and this really taught me how to use it more specifically. The worship was also excellent, and John and I spent some good time in prayer letting the Lord know that we were ready and willing to do whatever he asked of us as a couple.

At camp with some great girls!

Trying the beach hair look at camp

     Camp is rather exhausting though, staying up super late with cool teenagers, spending a lot of time at the beach, shopping, and at the conference listening to the speaker and worshiping twice a day.  It's a ton of fun, and worth every second, but exhausting by the end.  We were half-way home on the 6-7 hour drive, and I felt like I was falling asleep and asked if another one of our adult chaperones could drive.  I was a sleepy passenger for about 30 minutes before John called me from his van and gave me this news,

J: "So, the social worker just called and asked if we could take a sibling group of 4."
K: "We're only approved for 3 kids though."
J:  "She said it was fine because we have that other room with a bed."
K:  "How old are they?"
J:  "1,2,3, and 5, the three little ones are girls, the oldest is a boy."
K: "Three little girls and boy. Hmmm. What do you think?
 J: "I don't know babe, four kids is a lot."
K:   "You just told God we will do whatever he asks of us, and you've always said you wanted a girl.  He's offering us THREE of them!"
J: "So does that mean you want me to tell her yes?"
K:  "Do you want to?"
J:  "Do you want to?"
K: "What do you think God wants us to do?"
J: "I don't know.  I told her to try to find someone else, but we don't want them to break them up, so if they can't find anyone else to take all 4, we'll take them if you say it's OK."
K: "OK then.  If she calls back, let's do it!"
J: "Alrighty then."

  So much for being sleepy.  I woke right up and felt my heart racing as I wondered if she'd call back needing us and trying to remember what stages of development a 1, 2, 3, and 5 year old would be in.  She called back, and asked if she could bring them over right away. We were still 2 hours away from home, and told her that we'd call her when we got there. I got so excited talking about and imagining these little kids all the way home.

     We unloaded our stuff, helped to unload the church trailer, called the social worker and told her we should be there within thirty minutes, then raced home only to find that John had left our house keys AT THE BEACH!  So here we are outside our apartment with two huge bags each from being gone all week, and we are locked out of our house.  John began to get so frustrated, and I knew it was just the devil trying to discourage us from taking these kids.  He had to knock on several doors to find which one was the housing person who had an extra key.  At last we walked in the door, put our bags in our room, quickly tidied up, and they arrived, cuter than I could have imagined.  I'll tell you about them next time. :)

Let's PRAY for the people in CT

I have been sobbing off and on all day about this tragedy.  As a first grade teacher for 3 years, and a parent, I cannot image the shock, horror, and pain this community is going through. Please join me in praying what God is laying on my heart for them:

Dear Heavenly Father,

     We pray for the parents of the children killed.  God, you love us enough to send your son to die for us, but none of those parents sent their children to school to die today.  Be with those parents as they cry out to you for help.  Be there with those parents when they scream in anger at the pain of their child's life being stolen. Please be with them as they struggle with grief, shock, and unimaginable pain at suddenly losing their precious children to a senseless act of violence.  God, be their Daddy and help them to come to you for comfort, and find it. Lord, if they have other children, help them to be strong for them.  Help these parents to comfort their living children as they mourn together.  If these parents are married I pray you strengthen their marriage bond through this instead of allowing the human pain to weaken it.  I pray that husbands and wives would comfort and strengthen each other instead of casting blame or displacing their anger and sadness.  I pray you give these parents peace in knowing their children are with you in Heaven, rejoicing, playing, in no pain, completely whole, perfect, and happy.

     We pray for siblings of the children killed.  Kids form a special bond to each other, and now one bond is broken, but not lost.  Comfort those siblings with the knowledge that their brothers and sisters will live on in Heaven, in their memories, in their pictures.  Lord Jesus, please reach out to these children who may have been arguing last night about a toy, but are sobbing today about never having to share it again.  Help them to grieve in a healthy way and not to blame themselves or wish they had been killed too.  Jesus, be their friend right now and comfort them.

     We pray for the families of the adults killed in this act of terror. Lord, spouses, parents, siblings, friends, never expected to lose their loved ones like this. Please help them to grieve with support. Use these people to create a support network for each other, for the parents of the victims, to all come together and talk and grieve and remember their loved ones together.  Please reveal your love and goodness to them when all they feel is hate.

     We pray for the survivor students in the building.  God, the murderer began firing during morning announcements, so the whole school began their day hearing gun fire, and then living in frantic fear and confusion for the next several hours. Please help them to grieve for their little Kindergarten friends and understand that this was isolated, the bad man is dead, and they should not fear their school.  Lord, help them as their safe haven for learning today was turned into a crime scene of horror.  God, as they replay the sounds, the sights, please comfort them, help to ease their pain and these scary memories. God, I can't imagine the nightmares and sadness that will ensue for these children who heard the sound of the first murders.  I can only ask that you be their Prince of Peace and give them restful sleep to escape the tragedy, and then a fresh appreciation for their own lives when they wake up in the morning.  Please help them as they battle sadness, anger, and confusion about this tragedy.  Show them whenever school starts back, that their lives are so precious, and you love them and desire for them to continue to learn and grow up, and NOT feel guilty about living.

     We pray for the survivor teachers in that building.  Lord, help them to not fear their job.  God give them the wisdom to know what to say to their precious students when they return. Give them strength as they try to piece back together their lesson plans and their classrooms and their lives. Lord help them to grieve in a healthy way and not blame themselves for any part of this evil act or not being able to prevent it. Help them to continue to love on their students and communicate with parents that their kids are in a safe place, and these teachers will be the peaceful, helpful tone in the classroom the kids need to return to a sense of normalcy.  Please Jesus, remind these teachers to call on you to help them to know what to say, to know what to do when their students struggle with this.

      We pray for the people who will come in to this school to be counselors for the students and teachers.  God, they are going to hear over and over the horror that the students experienced and the pain they suffer in the aftermath.  Be with those counselors as they help the students and teachers to heal.  Please show them what to say, what to do to help the school.  Help them to help the adults and children alike.

     God, we also pray for the family of the murderer.  He killed his parents also, so this has certainly got to hurt the rest of their family.  Lord, if any of the grandparents are alive, if he had siblings, whomever is alive to carry the burden that their cousin/grandson/brother/nephew did this, please help them.  Help that family member who is also grieving.

     Lord, please help all students and teachers across this nation.  I remember going back to school after the Columbine shooting several years ago and the fear then.  Please be with students and teachers and administrators as they plan and review their safety and disaster preparedness.  Help them to not fear, to remain hopeful.

    Please be with this nation as we try to wrap our arms around this school, this state.  Help us to heal.  In Jesus' great name I pray,

          Amen.